In between start and end

Here's some back story I just feel like sharing.

On 11 Nov 2017, I submitted my entry for the myTreevolution video contest that I found out thru my university's e-Learning portal - ULearn.

That leads to the announcement that came out on 15 Jan 2018, which stated that I won 3rd place!!! Ok, so I had won just like that. Ha ha ha no.

Even if my video seems tacky and what poor judgement they must've had or that they "must've not receive any better entries", I still won't say it didn't worth me winning this. What makes people judge so recklessly when they themselves never tried to create anything better? I pretty sure at least the whole uni knew about this, since they've had the poster up for so long during the contest period. Plus they even had a 2-week extension...

The judges weren't nobodies, they are people who deal with content videos as part of their living. Whether it being in the business or the creative industry, I think their judging dah cukup adil dah.

It's obvious that I am not a pro. I don't put much thought when it comes to shooting videos. I don't really open my editing software unless I needed to make something... something like this je. But WHAT made me try so hard?

I still remember there's a class in my first semester of uni where I wanted to use the fancy university's DSLR camera to shoot our video project. I asked our lecturer but he said they're being used for a workshop. I kept insisting to know when can I get it and he said, "Just use whatever you have. Your phone camera nowadays can shoot 1080p some more, that is more than enough".

Never have I thought those few words can mean so much to me today. Because I never realised that. I had an old compact camera that took me so long to revive, only to find that the highest resolution it can shoot is in 720p. To my surprise, even an ancient budget phone like my ASUS Zenfone 5 (2014) can already record in 1080p. This actually did instil a spark of hope.

It means that the chances have always been here, I was just too oblivious to realise. Well I at least needed to borrow an iPhone or a DSLR or a mirrorless camera to produce nice videos kann? Apparently, no.

And that's when I realise, I don't need anyone or anything more.

I went on this experience alone. With the mindset of not letting anyone control it, cos I don't wanna give away the credit. From learning all about the theme, to making a spoken word poem that usually takes 3 days, to visualizing the script, to watching short films, to randomly shooting things in the streets, to editing... It sounds like a long journey for a noob like me. So frankly speaking it breaks my heart to hear (and forcefully had to agree to keep the conversation going) when people look down on the end product that I had proudly created. I was sooo proud of it that I wrote on my journal the day I submitted,

"So far the best video I've ever done."

Tbh, I am still proud of it looking back. Now I kinda resent myself for not appreciating myself enough. Screw that girl who said the judge was too dumb to judge! Screw that guy who told me my voice was the only reason I won! Your spoken word was great and your video was good enough. Amelynn, you deserve every bit of attention you gained! Everything wasn't wrong in the first place. Remember if He wanted it happen, He already made it happen. People should be mindful of their hatred. Seriously.

Me being honoured as the 3rd place winner!

With this, I'll end this post with a picture of the all-time grateful me... Alhamdulillah /please

Dropping by,
Melynn.

1 comments

I kid you not, 70% of my money goes to food throughout this January. There's no other purpose for this entry other than sharing most (if not all) the costly food I spent my hard-earned money on while hanging out with my friends. Also lots of them are my first time so I might still mention those that I didn't manage to snap a pic of.

More-than-once gallery:

1.

Kyochon

Second time here. And also tried their chicken strips. Twas a yummy addition.

XO and D88 durians

The only time I know what kind of durian I was eating lol.

Coconut drink

Family Mart's matcha soft serve

Second time enjoying it. Just found out they have Family Mart at Paradigm Mall, PJ lol so close.

First timer's gallery:

Caffe Bene's choc and cheese promo bingsu

Ka Mun's recommendation. Love the cheesecake, the choc and cheese combo mixes really well but the cheese was in shreds and I don't quiet prefer it like that but oh well.

Hanbing

It's their strawberry one, first time trying THIS flavour. I've tried their mango bingsu before. I got to say that I like how soft the shaved ice is compared to Caffe Bene, however the portion might be a little too small and the toppings are too minimal for its standard bingsu price.

Dal.komm's chocolate shake promo and Shibuya toast

My second visit to Dal.komm Coffee and we ordered these. I enjoy the shake a lot, but the toast was lacking of taste other than simply sweet and toasty hard, so it was a bit of a let down considering their cruffin was veryyy tasty!

Mikey's New York Pizza

I've been wanting to try their pizza and finally tried their Bianca pizza which is basically pizza with 4 types of cheese. The cheesy taste was good, but the portion was a bit too big. Yes it's filling but a bit too much of the same kind... cepat muak.

Caffe Bene's sweet potato promo bingsu

The first taste of it was different from what we expected. The ice cream was not so sweet ironically. But as we reach the center of the bingsu, it's filled with this sweet chewy stuff (which I don't know what it's call) and it just made it taste a LOT better. All in all, an okay combo.

Llaollao (pronounced yao-yao)

Finally tried this thangg. One word - masammm. The yogurt and dark chocolate topping with biscuit crumbs and choc balls was good. Kinda remind me of Tutti Frutti.

IKEA's RM1.50 froyo (ft. the meme queen)

Cheaper alternative would be this IKEA froyo top with strawberry sauce. To me just as good lol.

8.

Fish and Co.'s Swiss Fish and Chips

You may not believe it, but this is my first Fish and Co. dining experience. Quiet a shame because Ka Mun works there hahaha. First bite was sooo good. But half-way later, it just gets too oily and hard to eat.

9. Jibril's butter chicken with white rice (at SS15)

Not kidding, it's VERY nice but too much of it is not. Also the butter beer it came with was also the BOMB. Only problem is the pub-like place is very tersorok and too dim.

10. IKEA's lemon & herb roasted chicken

Very filling indeed and the lemon and herb balances the taste just nice.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so, there goes my savings for basically the whole sem. ALL of the food mentioned were eaten anywhere around January 2018 and today (1st Feb), in no exact order. Of course, banyaaakk lagi makanan beli but ni je yang worth mentioning.

So future Amelynn, if you're wondering why your duit kurang and berat naik... Pls don't question it.

Dropping by,
Melynn.

No comments

Assalammualaikum geng.

Today marks a week since all my final results came out. Tbh, not so proud of it actually. I took a total of 7 subjects last semester, and sat for 6 subjects for finals.

I have never felt so confident for an exam and I actually had a REAL HIGH expectation on myself for this one. One of the biggest factor for that is actually because of my loan. I really wanted to convert that loan into scholarship so I don't have to pay anything, and the only way to do that is by getting CGPA more than 3.75, which I am no where near as of the previous sem. My aim was to get at least a 3.75 GPA to increase that CGPA of mine.

Now, hear me out. There are subjects where I don't think I did as well for my carry marks BUT I did try my best for finals, so those are what I expected an A- at worst. Let's just say, I trusted my lecturers to be kind enough lol.

All my subjects were not keyed-in at once so we waited day by day for the lecturers to do so. Before the last subject keyed-in, I've been getting As and an A- sooo I was praying hard this one lecturer would do me good...

Of course, this wouldn't have been a story if he did. He didn't.

Behold, my result for this one last subject known as ~~the curse of~~ Linear Algebra and ~~its demonic~~ Numerical Methods... he gave me a C. Not just any C though, a C freaking minussss. That is enough for me to retake my paper bruh. Wth?!

Like can you imagine, all my subjects were so close to a 4 flat and he gave me a wuut /shock

I was so damn pissed. At him. I know I should be blaming myself but I don't think this is entirely my fault. I came to most of his class (walau tak paham skali pun), did all his tasks (walau tak betul skali pun), tried doing well for his lab test (walau soalan pun tak paham skali pun), point is I TRIED MY BEST IN WHATEVER HE ASKED FOR. I am not that stupid to not do revision at all. This whole sem I tried so hard understanding the material even though his teachings didn't make sense to me. Ugh. He could've at least considered that.

But this lecturer memang known for his 'kindness' so as expected, MANY didn't score. However, there is a friend of mine who got a B- and his 'efforts' wouldn't even be considered as one. Just be aware that you can't depend on only your studies to score this subject. This lecturer just wanna see you cheat is all I can say. Imagine 90% (if not all), don't even understand his materials so how can some be better than the rest? Effort? Don't kid me.

My other friend who always went up to see him during office hours and asking numerous questions, always doing drills for his subject and what did she get with all her efforts?? Same as me.

I will never get him. He is just too difficult to handle. He should at least consider changing his teaching style... seriously.

After much consideration whether or not I should repeat this subject to fix my pointer again, I was convinced that I shouldn't. I should because a different lecturer might boost up my grade that will lead to a higher CPGA, C- is probably a chance for me to take the risk. However I shouldn't because, next sem I'd be taking MUET and focusing on other tougher subjects might be a better risk. Plus, my mum told me to do so lol. Would getting a 4 flat be achievable though? Well, RIP me.

"Jangan terlalu bangga dengan pengakhiran kita.

Lihatlah perjalanan sebelum kejayaan.

Cara untuk kita mendapatkan sesuatu adalah lebih penting.

Tak perlu bandingkan dengan sesiapa, kerana ia tak adil.

Bagaimana untuk kita menentukan siapa lebih hebat, jika kita hanya melihat pada hasilnya.

Kerana titik permulaannya pun tak sama.

Sihat, sakit, kaya, miskin, ataupun tak punya apa-apa.

Semua bermula dengan berbeza,

Tak mungkin berakhir dengan hasil yang sama.

Pandanglah cara bukan hasilnya."

- Aqil Shariff, Log-in Diri

Dropping by,
Melynn.

1 comments

"Comfort; the enemy of progress"

- P.T Barnum, The Greatest Showman

I think life has been hard only for a reason. We feel tied down. By different opinions, different expectations and different obligations.

I actually have a confession to make. Remember about the crush I had? Guess it's time for me to move on now.

But... moving on from a certain feeling towards someone, as you know it, is hard - whether it's like or dislike. So to slap myself from it, I did a lot of recalculation to where my life is heading. My goals and dreams. I am the kind of someone who plans and then would work around my plannings. I might seem to always yolo, but truth is most of the things I have is mostly planned by me. Then the rest of whether it happen or not, are decided by Him.

For a fact, I planned to take a course in IT. And I've been granted a place in the diploma program at my university. I planned to work at a cafe after SPM. And I landed a job as a barista for 6 months. I planned to get a school loan when I realised uni life costs me a lot. And I got a not-much-but-enough convertible loan from the state's government starting from my 3rd semester.

See, these are all my plans. Obviously, there's a looot more small things that I wish to have but they don't always come easy. Some may happen by luck, but most time it's always the effort, the prayers, the constant battle to give my best.

Back to the story. I now decided that boys should stop being my focus. However, they will still be in my girl talks and my fangirling moments cos girls will be girls, but I now should tone it down a little bit more. Why? Bcos if according to my plan, I never had the intention to be in a relationship before marriage. Honestly speaking, I do not know when my heart would change on this matter, but this is my current stand as a Muslim who wishes to follow the Islamic way of marriage. It's something I had in mind ever since I had my first (and last) 'couple' experience in standard 6.

Being in a relationship before marriage is useless. Especially as a Muslim. Bcos you are forbidden to do pretty much everything anyway. Hold hands? Have physical contact? Don't even wish. "Jangan kau dekati zina", remember? Going out on a date with a guy also needs a wali, by right. So yeah properly speaking, it's useless.

Now what I had in mind is that... 25. 25 years old. That will be the year I will try and settle down. I will roughly graduate bachelor's degree at the age of 23 then I'm gonna move out. I'm planning to rent a studio apartment for myself and live alone while getting a job. This phase will be where my adulting skills will take place. Paying my own bill, rent, groceries, do my own cleaning, washing, cooking and tryna survive life and go far from my comfort zone. I need to become good at this bcos once I get married, starting a family will not be any easier. Now every time I think of marriage, tbh I don't deserve it. Not at the moment at least. Apa je I boleh buat bila nak kena layan suami, sedangkan diri pun tak terurus.

I was told that this will be what everybody would want to happen, but reality check and none of this takes place bcos once you live alone, it's less likely you gonna cook. Life is gonna be same as it were in uni basically. Hidup bujang la kan. But psft, not gonna look at anyone else. If this is meant to go as planned, then insyaAllah let Him decide the rest.

Yeah. Pretty much my thoughts right now. In conclusion, I nak move on so pls lend me your prayers. K thanks bye.

Dropping by,

Melynn.

No comments

I realise kan a lot of my typing is very schematic. I'm literally typing as I say word per word but they always sound dead when it's being written idek how bloggers can write so entertainingly.

Anyway I asked my friend recently, "Do you have anyone you admire? Like a celebrity or people on the Internet that you look up to?" and she replied saying no.

Then I'm like, "Same. I don't think I have anyone..."

(Lies. I actually have a person in mind, but malas plak nk explain who to her lol)

Then she said "Eh, you like Vivy kan?" and I was such in a state of denial hearing that hahah. Mostly because so many people are only fond of her because of the trend. But after some time I gave in, I do actually admire her. I happened to bring up 'Vivy' in A LOT of conversations with my friends and that's why my friend thinks so.

Now I just wanna tell, on the reasons to why I think I always talk about her. See, I'm admitting it for real trus #ambikkau.

It's a rare thing to see the life of someone who's successful and at the same time, so real on social media. Vivy is someone who is very brave in showcasing her life, she is good at making herself seemed very transparent and open to everything. And that is why I think a lot of people like her.

What I like about her most is actually her effort. In everything. Do you know how hard it is to be an ambassador, content creator AND running a company all at the same time? Plus, being a mum. What she's doing is daunting. Yeah people may see it as fun and true, things do get fun but how much fun can it get? These stuff are humanely tiring and Vivy is pulling off everything so well.

I'm talking from a blogger's perspective. A student's perspective. A youtuber-wannabe's perspective. I have contents but making them takes such a strong willpower to begin with, so in the end most things just died out. But I remembered how Vivy said in one of her previous blog posts where she will try to post an entry daily. On top of posting Instagram pictures every single day. For someone as busy as her, I seriously have so much respect for her having such a will.

And you know what's even better? She really made it happen for some time. She had seriously won all of my respect as a person.

Even as a student, I am not even as close to being that rajin. She wouldn't show it but I bet you, life isn't always easy and she must've had her share of terrible days. Being able to suppress that and still put up positive contents makes her seem very good at handling her feelings and stress.

I really like her vibe. She is an ambitious young woman. She is well-aware of what is happening around her, either people are talking about her, or just her not knowing certain things. She's just not afraid of voicing her concerns, also making it sound very mundane, which most people try so hard to hide. You see, everybody can be clueless at times and there is NOTHING wrong with discovering something new. That is what Vivy always portray herself as - a learner and a sinner. It's what keeps her grounded, and what keeps me motivated to become grateful and more hardworking towards my own goals. In life, I learnt to keep those people who gets the best out of me and virtually, I think Vivy kinda help me too.

In any rare cases Vivy Sofinas Yusof reads this, I just wanna say... You outshine people just by being you and you did good. Also, isn't there any way to be a dUCKie without spending a bomb? Lol.

------

My next admiration is a guy. Younger than me, but wiser and much more passionate. An Indonesian Content Creator, Agung Hapsah.

He is such a talented and one of the most passionate person I came to know (not in real life obvs). What I truly like about him is his editing skills. He is not just your regular YouTuber tau, he puts effort into ALL his videos. Basically his editing just won't ever disappoint anyone. And ofc, learning won't come easy but I still respect his time management for able to cope school and social life as a YouTuber, plus uploading AMAZING quality contents every now and then.

The honest reason why I admire him is probably because I'm always jealous of his editing. His After Effects and filming is cray cray wehh. Not enough with his usual high quality debatable topics, but also great filmography as well. Here's his video to make you understand me better:

If that wasn't cool, I think even the world can't impress you.

His channel is just my fav.

So yeah, those are 2 of my current admiration. I was not trying to be all that schematic and give answers such as "My mum/dad is my admiration" though that can sometimes be true.

Dropping by,

Melynn.

No comments

I can't believe how fast time flies. My semester is already ending! Felt like I'm still in my first year of diploma, when really it has already been my second.

The time has come where we gotta choose our electives which indirectly means choosing our major!! As I already am an IT student, the rest of the question is which part of IT am I leaning towards.

My choices of subjects (for next sem) are; Artificial Intelligence (AI), Database Administration (DBA), Networking, Active Directory and Digital Media Design.

Throughout all my 3 semesters up until now, I have not quite been a fan of networking subjects. Things that deal with Operating System, the computer hardware, configuration and such topic are my least interest. That is why I am rejecting Networking and Active Directory, since they are both coming from the same roots. However, many of my close friends are interested in networking which kinda pushes me aside from the group.

Now, AI has been one of my considerable subjects ever since I became an IT student. But since robotics and physics aren't really what I would deal well with, even looking at myself right now, so I decided this too might not work best for me. However, this is also what a lot of my friends are considering, but a lot of them are still unsure because of Additional Mathematics. I'm expecting lots of formulas and calculation in this one for sure. Which is also not what I would settle happily with.

Leaving my options with DBA and Digital Media Design. Surprisingly, database subjects has been one of my favourite, because they are pretty easy to understand and comprehend. In addition, programming is also very satisfying to me and I guess, my wish of studying Software Engineering might turn out to be possible in my near future if I keep this passion up... who knows?

For Digital Media Design, I am expecting lots of Adobe stuff again. Even though the previous multimedia-related subjects have not been so nicely graded, I pray that this won't be a bad choice for me. I am probably looking forward to learning After Effects and motion graphics through this subject. And really wish I can put this subject into good use. Even though, I'm aware that I got no talent for this. Oh well, screw it!

So, that's it for the update. Really not sure what to expect from each classes, but we shall see. Guess we just gotta go experiment them next sem huhu.

Dropping by,
Melynn.

No comments

I just got off a phone call with my mum. Wasn't the best call (or conversation) I've had. It's been awhile since my eyes are as red and sore....

I have no idea what's going on, but I've been relatively quiet lately. I listen to old Disney songs, on top of the HSM playlists I've been jamming through for a couple of months now. I get sensitive over things I used to overlook. Now, I feel like going through puberty again ugh.

All I can say is it's not easy staying sane. Always gotta remind yourself to be ok and don't get too overwhelmed by people. I also can't seem to find comfort by telling people my problems. It's hard to even face the problem as it is, let alone getting criticised for it. See idek what I want exactly.

This is why I don't like being too happy. Because sadness would follow-up not long after.

I always have problems with money.

I always have problems with friends.

I always have problems with the way I dress.

I always have problems with my face.

I always have problems with trust.

But I overlook all those because it hurts... so... bad... to think of something I can hardly do anything about. These problems are bigger than just mere words, obviously.

Imagine worrying every single day about which meal not to eat, because you won't have enough for the week. And at the same time, you can't open up to people because 1) no one cares (not kidding, bcos what can they do) and 2) it's not as easy as you think of not getting embarrassed by it. I am not looking for pity but I'm just giving an overview of my kind of day here in the university. Not many people see that this is what some of us are facing. I bet you, even my parents doesn't know about this.

You must be thinking, don't my parents support me? Here I mean it when I say I'm not rich. My family is average, but life hardly gets easier for us financially. I don't get pocket money every week like most people do. The best thing I can do as a daughter is to ask as little or the least frequent as I can for money.

But I guess it should be better now, because I can finally depend on my school loan. Hopefully.

Imagine sticking to only one friend. We share our lives too much and tolerating isn't as easy with our own ego. Like everybody has their days, but sometimes it's weird because when it's her bad day she can whine to the world. Then when it's my turn, I usually just keep quiet. But people don't see that's how I am and apparently I'm hard to deal with.

Imagine hearing people say "I'll buy you something for your wardrobe" as a saying that my fashion is unbearable. You can buy me anything you please, but even when saying it in a supposing friendly manner, it still delivers the same hurtful message. You never know how much I cherish every hole in my clothes, every shabby looking scarfs I own, they mean a lot to me because that's all I have. So that's how I shall live. I too am guilty that I can't afford everything as trendy as all of my peers. But do you know, how hard I resist for these things? Because my state of life is not suited for these kind of luxury like other people are having.

Imagine having a bumpy and red face throughout your whole secondary school life. I can still smile and be confident because I overlook everything to avoid myself from feeling like it controls me. But when people don't dare to touch your face because of how 'scarred' it looked, yeah... convince me to not feel hurt. But then again, I never said I gave up on changing that. I only meant for people to stop making the wound bigger for me. Please.

Trust is built when you can share deep conversations together. But these conversations never end well whenever I truly say what I mean. Because saying things unfiltered will affect the friendship which are already as shaky as it is, and for me to be totally blunt about everything. It's also not right when your friend is just as unstable as you are to be listening to your problematic point of view.

This has been an emotional ranty post. I probably just miss being home and alone. Or that I am just hungry after only having a single meal today. Anyway if you are feeling down, hope some of my problems cheer you up for making you think you are not alone. Have a blessed day guys!

Dropping by,

Melynn.

3 comments

No comments

In between start and end

About me

Labels

Popular Posts

Song Inspo 🎶

Come Drop By

Followers

Blog Archive