There was a tweet (read: X post) I saw a few days ago and I want to give some thoughts about it. The post is a reply to a Reddit asking how do non-Bumiputera students can afford to further their studies in private universities. This specific reply shares the struggles he had financially.

My parents are minimum wage workers. Always lived paycheck to paycheck. They didn’t save because they simply didn’t have much left to save.

I worked almost two years (also minimum wage) to save up RM 6000 to get through the first semester before PTPTN would come in. I literally https://t.co/db4KX634s1

— resident tortured genius (@xAccioPeace) May 18, 2024

Waktu paling seram & sedih dekat uni dulu, bukan exam.

Tapi time nak bayar yuran.

Dahlah kena PTPTN (ambil course collab with UK university), tu pun tak cukup kena keluar KWSP arwah abah, buat part time catering etc. Kena pujuk akak dekat financing tu,

"Boleh tak tangguh atau… https://t.co/QBgTxYfGVU

— Zafranudin Zafrin 🚀 (@MohdZafranudin) May 19, 2024

Upon reading that I was like, "I've been there". When you're in uni, in actuality, you barely see people talking about it.

I too have starved myself just so I could survive the rest of the week. I too have walked up and down the Bendahari office to get approval to pay fees with my mum's EPF fund. I clearly remember doing that for 2 semesters during Degree before I can afford to pay them using my internship allowance on my last semester. I was lucky I had loan when I was in Diploma and also lucky to skip a year due to credit transfer. Ofc, main thing was I'm privileged enough to enter public uni in the first place.

Unlike the first tweet, the hardest part for me wasn't feeling embarrassed about my situation. I didn't think needing help is something to feel shameful about. It was the fact that I'm robbing off my parent's retirement savings was what pains me most.

I know I don't necessarily fit the "poor" or "less fortunate" category but sometimes, I'm very humbled by my family's financial situation. 

Just last year, our decade-old family's car broke down a day before Raya. So my dad borrowed the mechanic's car just so we can go beraya. We were visiting relatives houses in old Proton Wira which have wore off. That was so humbling, but it was better than not going beraya at all.

All these experiences never made me feel small or insecure. I never see it as a weakness, it's just something that could happen to anyone. Knowing how much harder my parents had it during my childhood, these little hiccups didn't even come close. All I could do was just to willingly accept.

When I was younger, my dad would take us siblings to cycle around our neighbourhood during weekends. I still remember we would go house-to-house putting flyers inside people's mailboxes. We would cycle and play around, but my dad would be doing all the ground work by our side. Then when we get back home, my dad would cut out more small flyers and we would do that a couple more times.

I remember feeling like my heart sank every time I see those flyers. "Is our family really that poor?", was all I could think about. It sank even harder to see people throwing it away.

That's why these days I just smile whenever people hand me flyers, because I'd rather not have the guilt of throwing them away. But whenever I do take it, I'll make sure to read them through before disposing them. I feel bad for the effort that went into it.

Funny enough, they still do occasionally distribute flyers now for their business - even 20 years later. My parents really taught me to feel proud of whatever you do. 

Their favourite phrase is "Buat apa nak malu?" and as an anxious kid, I'm only now slowly taking that seriously.

My parents had me in their mid-20s, they didn't have much for themselves but they gave us their best. Although there were plenty of times I hope they had made better financial decisions, I still grew up always feeling supported and content. So now upon becoming a working adult, I do feel a sense of responsibility to lessen their tanggungan.

One day when they retire, I want to support them as much as I can. Although "children are not your retirement plan", but for them, I'm prepared if I became part of the entire plan. 

My mum told me that a small space is enough for the two of them, she didn't want to live in a big empty house. She also said that when all of us get married, at least we, siblings should come and visit her once a month. It doesn't have to be often but she thinks it's important for us to not lose our close bond.

I feel that among my siblings, I'm the only one with actual backup plans. My older brother is kinda just winging it with his marriage and career, whereas my younger brother, he's just happy to have his girl. Anyway it's still too soon to tell but I'm just laying it out here for the future.

I'm glad that I don't have to worry about my family much. Things are much better now that my parents only have to support my younger brother in his studies. And also since I don't have to rely on them for financial support. 

My mum have said this to me before, "Sekarang dah ada duit, dah tak pandang ye duit mama bagi" and I felt a mixed of sadness and a little offence taken.

So occassionally, I do let them spend their money on me and still act like I want them to pay for my stuff, even though they no longer have to do that.

I know this whole post is all "money money money" but I wish to show that money topic is not something embarrassing to talk about. Once you're mature enough, you'd realize that this could happen to you too and these days I'm avoiding saying things that may downplay other people's situation especially when most time, I don't have a single clue about it.

Dropping by,