In between start and end

       We all worry about the unknown - our future. All of us are trying to be a better version of ourselves but nobody tells us that it doesn't have to happen now. That it doesn't need to happen immediately. 

       I always find myself worrying about next year or the next 5 years or the next decade of my life... then I wonder, I'm not gonna go anywhere in life if I screw up the present. But honestly, the present is a bit too overwhelming if I put too much thought on it. What's closer ahead is actually scarier than the unknown. It's like I'm only giving myself Plan A options.

        Do you realise that a lot of the videos that people do are always 'Things I wish to tell my 20 year old self', 'Mistakes in my 30s' and so on and so forth. Funny that there's none for the people at 40s and 50s. Is it because our generation aren't there yet? Or is it because young people are obsessed with always being on the right track?

        Have you ever wondered why people watch those kinds of videos? It's because we tend to make sure that we're avoiding mistakes other people do to "save" our time. We worry too much about living a perfect life where everything is sorted out for us.

        I'm gonna sound hypocritical because honestly, that's what I do too. I have lots of future plans. I wanna move out and live in a studio apartment closer to my workplace wherever that may be. I wanna keep living frugally and practice sustainable living - which will probably be more within my control if I'm living by myself. I don't plan to marry so soon anymore so I'm gonna focus on my career goals first. 

        BUT now I realise that I don't have to make it happen immediately. Those videos that mentioned 20s and 30s in their title should not be MY definite timeline. I kinda agree when people say "When you're in your 20s and you make mistake, nobody is gonna scold you because you're still a kid". I personally think the younger you are, the more mistakes you should make cos that's the best way to learn. However, putting a time limit on the mistakes made, is just wrong. Life is all about learning... being young may be a good excuse to do a mistake but shouldn't always be. As long as you're living, the mistake you do at 40 isn't any worse than the same mistake other people do in their 20. We just live different lifestyle and environment. The only takeaway is that we're learning from it despite our age.

        More people, including myself, need to be okay with having our own pace. Whether that means we're a little slow or a little fast, it's better to enjoy life as it is. I wanna stop beating myself up and think I'm falling behind every time I take a break. Honestly, if that is what I need and that is what's best for me, I don't wanna rush. I'm tired of always needing to be "doing a lot". At times, I just wanna do mundane things like learning a new recipe or updating my journals or work on useless things that makes me happy. Sad that these are too boring and less impressive by people's standards.

        With that, I'm leaving you with few of the quotes from a collection of kdramas I've watched before that I think very wise to learn from.

- Rich Man

- The Best Ending (web drama)

- The King: Eternal Monarch

- I Wanna Hear Your Song

- Anna Karenina (Miss Hammurabi)

- Miss Hammurabi

- About Time

- Love O2O (Chinese drama)

- Encounter

- He is Psychometric

- While You Were Sleeping

- Because This is My First Life

- A Korean Odyssey

There's nothing much to take away from this post. Just feel like sharing one new thing I learn - to create my own pace. Thanks for reading!

Dropping by,

I recently found out that some of the things I've been doing without any reason turns out to be something people with the same personality traits as me do too. So let me tell you about it.

Last month's semester break has somewhat been a well-spent break for me. Not only did I managed to catch up with those I haven't seen for a year, but I was also able to sort my mind a little from the college and future worries.

We always strive to be what seems like the ideal person or the best version of ourselves. For example, waking up early, working out everyday or even keeping our places clean. With that being said, achieving those things could actually hit differently when you're... the only one with a good habit.

Personally, as absurd or superficial as it sounds, I actually enjoy doing personality tests. Be it temperaments, horoscopes or blood types, I feel like some - if not all - of them have a little bit of certainty to how and why we act around other people. Personalities are always such an interesting topic to talk about with friends. Every time I point out something about my friend, there will always be a moment where I discover something new about myself instead. And you know what they say, DON'T WE JUST LOVE A LITTLE SELF-DISCOVERY!

2 Things I Couldn't Give Up My Time For & 2 Things I Love To Do

Out of my 24 hours in a day, I just can't give up on 2 things - sleep and eat. I love my bed too much that I NEED my 8 hours of sleep. Or else, I will either be grumpy or don't have the mood to do much thing. Plus, unless I sleep early, it's hard for me to wake up early. For my meal time, I don't and cannot eat fast. I don't know how people do. And I don't know how to eat less. I'm okay with skipping meals though, but when I do eat, I eat a good amount... sometimes, even I find it too much but I always ended up finishing them lol. Except when I am full, it would take me ages to finish my food. Cos once I start eating, I HAVE to finish them... kalau tak, bazir and that would make me feel even worse.

One of the 2 things I love doing is writing. I write stuff I love to read. That is why I made this blog. It's like my own time travelling machine, cos I reread my posts again and again (don't tell me you don't). And I am glad I could improve my English writing this way. Imagine if I had no where to channel my thoughts and views, I don't think I would still be speaking English like I do today. I might have gotten worse grammar wise for the lack of usage in my daily life. Although, I have not learn any vocabulary over the years due to the lack of reading ( I write but I don't read lol... that is why I write rubbish that only I read haha). 

The other thing is making videos. I don't see myself as good bcos I only know how to use minimal editing. But this year, I was given more opportunities for it. This stuff needs practice and I need a subject, a theme, something to be based on before I could proceed with filming. I am both a planner and a winger. I prefer planning, but I also practically wing it most of the time. But bottom line is I feel like I am improving and I love it. Maybe I shall share my noob tips on how I make videos (not sit and talk ones, I'm bad at that) and ways I've improved them later on in life insyaAllah.

So those are all I have to say for now. Nothing much. I just wanted to write something while it is still November.

"Menghalalkan yang haram"

Or making the wrong right. Without realising, it's what the world had slowly become. Many think that logic is enough, especially in religion and that's why each of us have different point of views.

However, as a Muslim, the Holy Quran and the Prophet's teachings are my guidelines. 

Here I wanna say smtg about non-Muslim... things that they don't get. And also things that Muslims sometimes forget or neglect (myself included).

Recently, I came across 2 similar situations whereby these 2 non-Muslim aunties had said to me. Ok, the first situation.

It was on one of my promoter days where I am working until the late evening in KL. As this auntie (who I was working with) and I were deciding to leave earlier (to avoid traffic), I then told her "I think before we go, I should pray here first in case I couldn't make it in time before the next prayer comes".

Simply that. It was for my Asar (evening prayer). And I was expecting some sort of 'ok' or an agreement to my request like what I usually hear. Surprisingly, she insisted me to stay at the booth. She didn't directly said it though.

She said, "I heard you can replace later. It's ok if you don't pray now."

And that point, I was slightly offended. This is why I hate when Muslims make it sound so easy to skip prayers. Over the slightest matter. We tend to not consider our best to perform it, just because we let our 'logic' take over. 

'Oh, there's no surau here, no need to pray la'... 'It's already 10 minutes til the next prayer, pray later together la'...

I get it. I do this too. But this isn't right, guys.

In my situation, I stayed silent because I wanna hear her point of view further.

That auntie then said, "God is merciful". Yep I agree. "He won't punish you just because you don't pray once". Ok, I see where you're coming from. "One time, I had work and just so happen I also have a Church event the same day. So I lied to the company and made up some excuses. See, God won't punish me because I told a white lie. I did it to do what He would've pleases"

Alright. Here's my say. What's wrong with me praying then? If you would make up such a lie to be at a Church event, I don't get why you're lecturing me into not praying. I don't know about other religion, but in Islam, being consistent in remembrance is the key. Skipping a prayer won't make us forget God obvs, but performing all 5 prayers could avoid us from making more inevitable sin for our own good insya'Allah.

Have you ever tried stop doing something for only once, then you notice that you started giving excuses again and again? Eventually, it's what would get us to believe 'it's ok to not do it' all together. But take the MANY verses in the Quran regarding solat for instance, Allah has said it Himself so many times. Doesn't that itself explain its importance?

And a white lie? Lying itself is like a sickness, doing it for your own sake is one thing. But telling others to do the same? Don't even bother.

Personally, I used to always want the time of the month to come by. Because I didn't wanna pray. It somewhat feels like I have more time during the day if I didn't have to pray. But as I grow up, I find that every time I am on my period and that I couldn't perform the prayers, I'd feel bad. I don't just feel that I lost the connection with Him through all 5 solat, but I also feel like I'm forgetting Him. Why? Because through solat comes remembrance, through solat comes forgiveness and if I don't cling on to my Creator, who else would be there for me? Solat is a way of reaching out to Him at times we're drowned into the world.

She said, "God won't burden us with bad things. We do good to Him and he shall do good to us". Well, if God doesn't provide any bad in our lives, what makes us repent then? You see, we aren't angels. If you decide that whenever He gives bad incidents that he is mad at you, you're wrong. In any cases, it's because he loves you more. There will always be challenges and test towards our faith despite us doing good or bad. If bad things keeps piling up, they're not always your fault. At times, it is to keep you closer instead. Don't be prejudice towards Allah. No plan can be better than His.

She later asked me why Muslims women cover our hair and body.

Explaining to a non-Muslim isn't always easy because we don't wanna be giving a different meaning. I simply said because men doesn't see things the way we women think.

Islam knows that and protect the women from the lustful eyes of men. They are attracted to our curves, our fair skin, our neck, our body and us in general. This is how Allah protects us. But ofc, we women won't believe that because many see to believe. Again, logic.

Moving on to the second situation. I had a facial treatment this one morning and this auntie performed laser treatment on my face. She warned me not to wash my face til night time because it could've stop the laser from doing its job. I was being understanding, but I also couldn't help from asking "If later I need to pray, how?" in hope for an alternative, and she just told me to not apply so much water. So I figured, I could just do the wajib but then she said again, "Or you can just not pray. Don't worry, God won't punish you".

In my mind I was like, damn dejavu. I didn't say anything more because guess what? There IS a solution. And it's Tayammum. Ablution using dust instead.

I guess the word 'praying' isn't as impactful as it is to other religion nowadays hmm. 

Note to self and all my Muslim friends: Be a better Muslim, so that we can show the best Islam. When there's a will, there's a way.

To my non-Muslim readers: I don't blame you for not knowing. But we plead for your respect towards our beliefs and to say things like that only portray your ignorance, even if you didn't mean any harm.