"Comfort; the enemy of progress" 

- P.T Barnum, The Greatest Showman

I think life has been hard only for a reason. We feel tied down. By different opinions, different expectations and different obligations. 

I actually have a confession to make. Remember about the crush I had? Guess it's time for me to move on now. 

But... moving on from a certain feeling towards someone, as you know it, is hard - whether it's like or dislike. So to slap myself from it, I did a lot of recalculation to where my life is heading. My goals and dreams. I am the kind of someone who plans and then would work around my plannings. I might seem to always yolo, but truth is most of the things I have is mostly planned by me. Then the rest of whether it happen or not, are decided by Him. 

For a fact, I planned to take a course in IT. And I've been granted a place in the diploma program at my university. I planned to work at a cafe after SPM. And I landed a job as a barista for 6 months. I planned to get a school loan when I realised uni life costs me a lot. And I got a not-much-but-enough convertible loan from the state's government starting from my 3rd semester. 

See, these are all my plans. Obviously, there's a looot more small things that I wish to have but they don't always come easy. Some may happen by luck, but most time it's always the effort, the prayers, the constant battle to give my best.

Back to the story. I now decided that boys should stop being my focus. However, they will still be in my girl talks and my fangirling moments cos girls will be girls, but I now should tone it down a little bit more. Why? Bcos if according to my plan, I never had the intention to be in a relationship before marriage. Honestly speaking, I do not know when my heart would change on this matter, but this is my current stand as a Muslim who wishes to follow the Islamic way of marriage. It's something I had in mind ever since I had my first (and last) 'couple' experience in standard 6. 

Being in a relationship before marriage is useless. Especially as a Muslim. Bcos you are forbidden to do pretty much everything anyway. Hold hands? Have physical contact? Don't even wish. "Jangan kau dekati zina", remember? Going out on a date with a guy also needs a wali, by right. So yeah properly speaking, it's useless.

Now what I had in mind is that... 25. 25 years old. That will be the year I will try and settle down. I will roughly graduate bachelor's degree at the age of 23 then I'm gonna move out. I'm planning to rent a studio apartment for myself and live alone while getting a job. This phase will be where my adulting skills will take place. Paying my own bill, rent, groceries, do my own cleaning, washing, cooking and tryna survive life and go far from my comfort zone. I need to become good at this bcos once I get married, starting a family will not be any easier. Now every time I think of marriage, tbh I don't deserve it. Not at the moment at least. Apa je I boleh buat bila nak kena layan suami, sedangkan diri pun tak terurus. 

I was told that this will be what everybody would want to happen, but reality check and none of this takes place bcos once you live alone, it's less likely you gonna cook. Life is gonna be same as it were in uni basically. Hidup bujang la kan. But psft, not gonna look at anyone else. If this is meant to go as planned, then insyaAllah let Him decide the rest. 

Yeah. Pretty much my thoughts right now. In conclusion, I nak move on so pls lend me your prayers. K thanks bye.

Dropping by,

Melynn.