In between start and end

I probably had been wanting to do this since ever - becoming a content creator. Like yknow, actually doing something I like and share my talent with the world. But sadly, what talent is there? Everything to me just always felt off somewhere.

Little did I know, I actually became pretty useful this time around. I at least got something I had planned, done. Even when it took me so long to get moving.

Anyway, if you've read the introductory post to my poetry blog, you'd probably knew my 'future plan'. One of it was to make a podcast of my poems, basically turning them into spoken word poetry. But guess what? I scraped that plan out and decided to just go with a video. Like how I DID NOT decided to. Sooo predictable of me...

A FREAKIN LYRIC VIDEO WOHOO!!

This post is a respond to one of my favourite (small) YouTube channel's video - New Age Creators. On this week's Monday, Orin asked the question in his video: WHERE'S HOME TO YOU?

A lot of things that I've done, don't necessarily make me happy. Some things I did just to please others. Other things just to show off. Most people do too. And I'm starting to think, social media is such a bad money-driven platform. No matter how much I am rooting for my own grounds, it seems that other people is always flaunting their good sides of life that keeping up just makes it harder.

I always ask myself WHY? Why do I feel obligated to show my happiness to the world? Why is everybody trying hard to do that? Then behind all those happy-go-lucky projections, there'll be this drastic change of sadness. Out of a sudden. People begin saying how depressed they are, how life's not been treating them well, how everybody just had it better, how it had not been a good year... Then it got me asking again - WHY? After showing off like that for good several weeks or months or even years, you decided to crawl into your darkest pit and suffer then why did it in the first place? Oh yeah, obligations.

The problem is we are made up like this. Everyone needs to keep up with the trends. If you don't know, that's it, you're a weirdo. We can't be friends.

Speaking of friends, I can't help but to see friendships on social media as a momentary thing. I feel like the more showing off there are, the less likely things are to stay. May Allah forbids. But that's another problem. The moment we stop posting happy pictures, people question our happiness. When we don't show the happy friendship that we have, the friendship somewhat would sink. Again, an obligation.

So now, if I were to do things for people, I'd find a better reason to. I won't settle for any of them. Why? Because humans are disloyal and people changes. Expectation and promises won't lasts. I think this is the big problem that causes it all - our reasons.

But one thing about me is I have Allah the Almighty. If I am in doubt of my reasons, I'd be sure to ask if He pleases. Because in the end of my day, there's no one else to please other than Him. If I were to die in whatever I am doing, I'd like it if my reasons were the right ones. And great thing is I can never go wrong with this. Like how Allah is never wrong to us, we would never be wrong with Him. If I were to give up my happiness for anyone, I'd gladly let that be Him insya'Allah.

May me and you, be in the love He pleases Amiin.

Where did I find this promoter job?

I had the NEW McDonald's Spicy Korean Burger on its releasing day which was on the 25th July. I was already out with Ka Mun and we both thought we should try it while we're at it. But we found out then and there that it was a beef burger. We seriously thought that it'd be a chicken burger. Like how Korean are also famous for its fried chicken but boy, were we wrong... Since it's beef, our Ms. Leong here cannot eat them. But for me, I really wanna give it a try so I was the only one who ordered it. 

I don't know how many times has this thought occurred to me, but being at home (bcos sem break) just makes it even clearer. I don't think I'm an extrovert. I really don't think I am. Funny because I don't seem like the kind who's not. People would think I'm bubbly, have a lot of friends, smart and outspoken but truth is... not exactly.

As I'm typing this, my friends are currently chatting away in our whatsapp group and I've been ignoring them for a few hours now. Just don't feel like talking with anyone, really. And for the record, I don't have that many friends. Even my dad asks, don't I have any other friends. Having people around just makes life far more complicated and I am such a simple being. Therefore, I tried to avoid dramas.

But then again, life is life and drama will always be a part of it. For example, I had an unresolved issue with one of my closest friends. It sucks considering I don't have that many friends. Sucks more bcos we were very close. A couple of days ago, I realised she's been updating her stories really often. It's always her hangouts and whereabouts with her friends (whom she still cherish to her heart's content and would include sweet af captions on every posts with them). I know those are normal nowadays bcos pretty much everybody does that (myself included), but obvs once you feel ill-hearted towards someone those stuff in particular would bother your day and night like no other. So I did what I had to - which is to mute her stories on whatsapp and Instagram. Hopefully she wasn't notified on that. But now, I don't know why I'm still reaally bothered by her in general.

Also, for the past week my grandma had been asking me to buy her kuih every tea time and this had been bugging me. To me, it takes such an effort to go out. Even from my room. I dislike going out for a short period of time. It's just never worth it. So whenever I did, I would grab the simplest thing to wear - an instant headscarf and a jacket. I wear kain batik at home. It became my thing since last year when I saw my roommate wearing it. Going out, obvs kain batik is so taboo and people would think I'm a "mak nenek" or smtg so I'd always change to a pants just for the sake of leaving the house looking decent. Since I don't use that pants at home and so does the jacket and headscarf, I pretty much would rewear them every time I go out. Literally. For the whole week. I admit that I look damn hideous and I always pray that I won't meet with anyone I know. At all. It's pretty embarrassing but then again, who am I tryna look nice for? Even the Pakcik kuih won't even look at me when talking smh. 

Yeah... I am pretty lifeless right now. All I do is eat, sleep, repeat and loads of thinking and figuring things out in my head. I really miss blogging so I'd try to ramble whatever I can for as long as I am still not occupied. Until then, goodbye!

Dropping by,

Melynn.

I have an interesting story. You know at times, life can be really funny towards you. 

Dropping by,
Melynn.

This post will just be about my thoughts and roughly my plan for the future.

Recently after my finals ended, I've been doing a lot of thinking and debating with myself. Like the things that I'm doing, the things that I say I'd do but never did, the things I wish I could do instead, and stuff like that. I noticed now that I don't enjoy the fun fun things much (Malays call it 'benda lagha'). I still like watching kdramas, listening to kpop, watching funny youtube vlogs but it's not as much as I did. I legit feel like I've somewhat grown lol.

The thing is I feel like I should be doing something but I don't know what. It's been a long time finding the thing that I am good at. My interest and my passion. Something I would enjoy doing that won't take too much of my time. Because I'm afraid of doing something then in the end I'll lose interest. I don't want that. I wanna go all out. I wanna try my best so that I won't regret, cos I tried. 

Funny, but I know that I'm not alone when talking about this. With so many successful kids out there, we can relate the pressure to rush.

Among all the things that I enjoy watching right now (which mostly are self-motivational vids), I kinda learn a lot of wise things that wake my lazy bum up. To not delay things anymore and to chase my dreams while I am young and have a long journey ahead. I wanna try and gain as much experience and skills that I can before I graduate my degree. That's the plan.

You know after ending my first year of diploma, I kinda wanna stop joining clubs and taking up positions. I just don't like how it interferes with my life last 2 semesters. I don't regret them, but it wasn't as fun as I thought. However, those vids kinda boost back my confidence and now I have a reason to. I may still not know what club but surely, time will tell. I'd rather be torn out now than have my resume empty with useless skills. At least that's what keeps me motivated.

So now, I've decided. I've created a new blog that dedicates to all my poems. I wanna see how much I can grow there. It doesn't have to be successful. I just feel like putting something up that I can be proud of in the future. That won't make me seem dull and incapable. The reason why it's not on this blog is because I like how personal it is here. Not many knows about my existence here and no one really read all my posts. But then again, they're really personal stuff so it's better that way.

My other blog is up on Wordpress (WP) and there's a reason why it's not on Blogger even when I've been a user since primary school. I see WP as a more professional and proper website to share with people. Rather than using Blogger which seems more like a child's play. And I learn that WP actually have better statistics count compared to Blogger and it track viewer counts more accurately which I like. But ofc, WP is a bit limited for free users and it's actually quite confusing to use. Fortunately so far, it still get things done so I'm ok. 

Check out my poetry blog here.

Plus, I also made use of my hand lettering as the featured image for each post. I just started it and I thought it'll be better to include images in my blog that I can create on my own. So this idea came along to combine those two things, thus the name. I probably suck so bad but at least I made the effort.

I actually plan on making videos on my poetry and make a channel for it, but I'm just not ready yet... in the future insyaAllah. For now, I probably will consider making podcasts for spoken word poetry and definitely will share it when that happens. 

Last but not least, I also created a Facebook Page dedicated to my poetry YAYYY!! It's called 'Poetry Lettering', you can search it up or just click here. I plan on posting all my updates there along with new posts on my blog so 'like' it and wait for more of my crappy poetry. And I know many don't use fb anymore bcos there's other fun social platforms, BUT I figured I need a place for people who solely are interested in my work in the first place and where I can link to my blog easily. Tbh I wanna keep it lowkey, that's why I don't prefer sharing on my personal Instagram account. I did once, but I don't think I should do it frequently.

And so far, I like what I'm doing. There's more to learn and to improve and I can slowly do that. I'm just gonna show a whole lot of progress happening. That's why this started. It's all about the process, not success.

Dropping by,

Melynn.

After you finally earned your driving license, you gotta be so eager to drive right? Or it had already been some time since you last held the steering wheel and it kinda felt awkward to get back on it... Either way, you must somewhat feel nervous or scared to start driving.

I know really well how that felt like. After driving for sometime, here is the list that I think would suit any of you who just getting started on driving. And it's all based on my personal experience, so leggo!

1. Slowing down for bumps

This is my first struggle when I started. Most people would start around the housing area, and it's a pretty basic thing to know. It may sound simple but when you first started you might get to hear loud thud under your car whenever you go over a bump especially on slightly higher ones.

Solution: When you are nearing a bump, notice the few yellow lines beforehand. That is the mark where you should already be pressing the brakes to slow down. And right before your front tire touches the bump, make sure you are pressing your brake fully. AFTER the whole front tire moves over the bump, ONLY THEN can you press the accelerator. If you do it too soon, that will cause the car to touches the bump and producing a loud thud.

2. Paying for gas

If you've been doing this for your parents every time they fill the gas up, you should already be a pro. But if not, shame on you. Lol that goes to me too oops.

Before going up to pay, please look at the pump number where your car is parked.

In some situation, if you see the worker around, you can just pay to them, let them swipe their card and they can 'activate' the pump for you.

There are 2 traditional ways you can do to pay; one can be done at the small over-the-counter hole outside or you can be extra by paying inside the kiosk. If you pay inside, you get free aircond and if you will need to get a change back, this is faster. Bcos if you pay from the outside, they need to move extra between you and the cash machine. Other than that, not going in is a faster option.

After you pay and don't have a change, leave. Give the money and just leave. I cannot stress this enough! Because there is no other thing other than stating your pump number and pay. Literally. Don't wait for them to say 'done', 'ok' or whatever. Unless you need a receipt, ask.

3. Refilling your fuel tank

While parking, pls be aware that the pump needs to be as close as it is to your gas tank. Don't be the dumb newbie who parks the driver's seat side-by-side with the nozzles. This depends but normal people uses Ron 95 unleaded petrol bcos cheaper.

Follow this step-by-step once you've made the payment:

1) Open the driver's door.

2) Pull the gas lever near the driver's seat wherever it may be.

3) The gas flap will open.

4) Unscrew the cap and grab the nozzle.

5) Push your nozzle in the tank and press the trigger.

6) There is a locking method so you don't have to keep pressing. The lock is a small metal slider inside the trigger. What you need to do is simply, press the trigger to the max and pull the lock backwards. That will do the trick.

7) Once the price shows the amount you paid, slowly shake the nozzle slightly so all the excess petrol drips out.

8) Then only remove the nozzle from the gas tank and place it back.

9) Screw the cap back on clockwise and close the flap.

10) And YOU'RE DONE!

4. Knowing the way

This is a crucial thing. How can you drive when you don't know the way? Other than using Waze or Google Maps, what you can do is try picturing the landmarks for every places. When you know the place and the landmarks surrounding it, you can be familiar with the roads. Imagine in your head as if you are travelling through the different roads and seeing the landmarks by your sides. That would be a good practice.

Besides, staying more alert whenever you are being drive around helps as well.

5. Crossing a junction

Junctions are everywhere. Be it at main roads or not, mastering it is important. Couple things you need to be aware of are signals and bumps.

At the junction if a nearing car signals to turn another way, it may also mean that the road in front of it will be clear for awhile and that you are gonna have enough time to take over. This also applies to bumps before any junctions. Cars going over a bump will have to slow down so if a car is, then more time for you to take the lane.

If these aren't the matter, then see whether the speed of the car is slow enough for you to cross. If not, jangan pandai-pandai.

6. Parking spots

Side parkings are the worst. If the parking space is a bit cramped, then reverse side parking is better. But ofc, we newbies would be too scared to try anything reversible. So, be sure that the parking space is spacious enough for you to try and fit in.

7. Parking tickets

The place where you take the ticket before entering any mall has a sensor. The gate would not close as long as the car don't move. So don't panic if you had to change gear, open the door or even wear back your seat belt before moving along. Take your time.

Just don't forget to pay before exit. And be sure to exit within 15 minutes.

8. Avoiding pot holes

Malaysia is famous for pot holes. Our road has so many holes and sometimes it's just hard to avoid while staying within your lane. But do your best to avoid these holes because it is not very good for your tire. It can be damaging and ofc, reduces the lifespan of a tire. But please do not compromise the avoidance of a pot hole with your own safety and the safety of others on the road. Drive smart.

9. Fuel consumption

This isn't really something new drivers need to know but it's good to. I recently found out myself that the air cond inside the car affects the fuel consumption. Therefore ensuring the car's regular service on the air cond also saves your petrol one way or another. But if your parents are still doing that for you, just take this information in for the future lol.

10. Left lanes if you are not overtaking

I was told that left lanes are for the slow drivers who do not intend to overtake any cars. Well in Malaysia at least that's the case. So if you want to drive fast while considering the speed limit, shift to the right. But that is once you are confident with doing so ofc. Personally, I still keep it to the left just because driving fast makes my thoughts run fast as well.

AND THAT'S ALL MY 10 TIPS!! Hope I have given a legit list that could be somewhat useful to you. If I am wrong anywhere within this post or misunderstood certain things, pls forgive me and feel free to comment if anything. I literally read all of the comments. Cos they don't come by so often ahah.

Have you changed your RapidKL card yet? If not, bro u should.

Dropping by,

Melynn.