I don't know how many times has this thought occurred to me, but being at home (bcos sem break) just makes it even clearer. I don't think I'm an extrovert. I really don't think I am. Funny because I don't seem like the kind who's not. People would think I'm bubbly, have a lot of friends, smart and outspoken but truth is... not exactly.

As I'm typing this, my friends are currently chatting away in our whatsapp group and I've been ignoring them for a few hours now. Just don't feel like talking with anyone, really. And for the record, I don't have that many friends. Even my dad asks, don't I have any other friends. Having people around just makes life far more complicated and I am such a simple being. Therefore, I tried to avoid dramas.

But then again, life is life and drama will always be a part of it. For example, I had an unresolved issue with one of my closest friends. It sucks considering I don't have that many friends. Sucks more bcos we were very close. A couple of days ago, I realised she's been updating her stories really often. It's always her hangouts and whereabouts with her friends (whom she still cherish to her heart's content and would include sweet af captions on every posts with them). I know those are normal nowadays bcos pretty much everybody does that (myself included), but obvs once you feel ill-hearted towards someone those stuff in particular would bother your day and night like no other. So I did what I had to - which is to mute her stories on whatsapp and Instagram. Hopefully she wasn't notified on that. But now, I don't know why I'm still reaally bothered by her in general.

Also, for the past week my grandma had been asking me to buy her kuih every tea time and this had been bugging me. To me, it takes such an effort to go out. Even from my room. I dislike going out for a short period of time. It's just never worth it. So whenever I did, I would grab the simplest thing to wear - an instant headscarf and a jacket. I wear kain batik at home. It became my thing since last year when I saw my roommate wearing it. Going out, obvs kain batik is so taboo and people would think I'm a "mak nenek" or smtg so I'd always change to a pants just for the sake of leaving the house looking decent. Since I don't use that pants at home and so does the jacket and headscarf, I pretty much would rewear them every time I go out. Literally. For the whole week. I admit that I look damn hideous and I always pray that I won't meet with anyone I know. At all. It's pretty embarrassing but then again, who am I tryna look nice for? Even the Pakcik kuih won't even look at me when talking smh. 

Yeah... I am pretty lifeless right now. All I do is eat, sleep, repeat and loads of thinking and figuring things out in my head. I really miss blogging so I'd try to ramble whatever I can for as long as I am still not occupied. Until then, goodbye!

Dropping by,

Melynn.