In between start and end

Yesterday, I hanged out with my uni friends and it had been so long since we met that we straight talked about how internship has been for us. To think that we are already on our own separate path instead of just separate classes is such a weird feeling. Reminded me of how strange it felt when my high school friends are doing totally different things after graduating high school. Technically, I did spend an entire 5 years with these friends since my diploma, like it did with my high school friends, so the feelings were very deja-vu to me.

What was more amusing is that, we took different courses in degree but we somehow ended up interning in the same job position. My internship is literally the exact one for my course. Therefore, my other 2 friends, ended up in the same position bcos unlike me, their skillset really suit this job as a developer. Previously, these friends of mine represented my university for a software competition so everybody around us knew that they really would suit developer jobs despite their respective courses. Which really makes me feel like I don't belong due to my lack of skills, but at the same time I'm really grateful as this is like a dream job of mine and I didn't had to try as hard as them to get it.

One common thing about us is that we enjoy learning about coding and have somewhat complicated logical thinking, which makes this job very fun for us. And I really like how all of us can relate with the job that we're doing although our company's software structure are very different from one another. 

IT is a really interesting subject bcos you can never really know too much. There's always different kinds of frameworks and software and practices that you have never even heard of before. There's so much experimenting and new ways to do stuff, which both scares but excites me at the same time.

My friends and I have very different style and approach to our working life. For example, I'm mostly working from home and so far it has been fine for me. I think I've learnt to adapt and structure my life around it ever since online classes. My recent semester's results have definitely convinced me that I can manage. The diploma internship that I had was also enough for me to feel how working in office should feel like so I don't really crave much for it.

However, my friends have yet to experience working at an actual company because previously their internship were only within university settings, so this is a totally new experience for them and they like it more working in the office. There are still lots of setbacks from all of our experiences like having half of the team working in the office and another half at home, or having no team and just one superior, or having difficulty in getting enough guidance bcos everything is done virtually. I think there's gonna be some gain and some loss anywhere you ended up in.

The thing that makes me so glad is how I'm happy despite how confusing things are and I get to challenge myself while doing a job that I'm so scared of. I also really appreciate my team leader bcos despite having so many meetings and calls, he still took the time to teach me the little things and spend time answering personal calls bcos I'm just always lost and confuse with how things work - coding or not. I think having a helpful leader is important to ensure this online thing works well and I can tell from first hand experience that people who guide you well are the one who would give better result to your growth, given you allow yourself to be guided. 

It's better to be the stupid one who don't know what to ask because you don't know almost anything yet willing to learn, than act smart when you are just as clueless, bcos at least you're opening more eyes to different ways of thinking and approaching things. The more experienced you are, the more you don't realize how newbies sees things so people tend to assume they'll understand it all. But it's your job to let these experienced people know that you don't understand and ask for extra guidance bcos being quiet isn't what's gonna make you grow but being uncomfortable is. Although I always felt uncomfortable to disturb my team leader over petty things these past 3 weeks, I also know that he needs to know where I'm at to help me, so raising my concern becomes my responsibility in determining my own growth.

It's always faster to ask help than dwell on the problem longer than you should. A lecturer of mine used to tell me, "If you dwell on the question for more than 5 minutes, you are in a big trouble". I used to think that it was so stupid to just give myself 5 minutes to have things figured out especially when they're unfamiliar, but if I take that advice with a grain of salt, it does make sense. I shouldn't dwell too much alone bcos asking for help will not only solve it faster but there might also be things you misunderstood earlier and would never realize that unless you speak up. I think that's what makes asking questions a great piece of advice.

Tips to be less scared when asking question: Everybody starts with not knowing everything. It's okay to be at the start.

Dropping by,

I started my first day of internship with the hope that I am gonna be doing something IT-related yet far from coding and all those stressful moments trying to debug errors... only to find out that I am doing exactly that. For the next 6 months!

If you've read my Internship Application Story, you'd know that I am an intern, or Vacation Trainee as they call it, at KPMG Malaysia.

Stepping into the company (even though virtually), I can really feel the sense of belonging and very friendly working environment at this place. One of my favourite things about this company is how structured things are, but some might say otherwise because even though they might tell you the things you need to know early, this company sure doesn't tell you a lot.

It's my first time working in an MNC company and a firm as big as this so I'm both impressed and weirded to know that they really go all out to take care of their image. I won't go into detail bcos that'll be a little P&C but just know that the security and branding is their top priority. Like they really value those. There's even few assessments we have to pass for them to ensure that.

Moving on to what I do here. After meeting with the Head of Department on my first day, I was then assigned to a team. Basically it's a team of software developers and testers. So obviously, now I will be trained to do just that.

It's both interesting and scary to me bcos I really am not confident in my programming skills. Like it's the one thing I'm most insecure about. But I don't particularly hate it. In fact, I enjoy coding - granted I understand what I'm doing. And what's more fascinating is that I'll be working on a project that does not even use the programming language that I am familiar with haa

Instead of the good ol' PHP, I'm now forced to learn to program in Python. I'm actually really scared when I heard of Python because it's such a new and advanced language... while I'm just here being basic. It's one of the languages that I find difficult to approach at my current newbie level but now I don't really have a choice.

Frankly speaking, this current situation felt like a dream to me. It's weird that I was hired without them actually knowing my exact skills, but I am actually very thankful for that. It means that I have been given the opportunity of life to try out the one career I've always been very scared to try. I'm actually very excited to see how much I can grow through this internship because I can already feel myself making a little progress after just a week.

As a CS or IT student, one thing that your university (at least for me) don't teach is how the people in industry setup their working environment. I feel like this should be a class of its own. How can nobody ever teach me about Git? I've heard of Github a lot but how come nobody ever tell me properly what it is and how it works? It's such an important tool to collaborate when you code with a team. I've always been curious to know how people "compile" their codes especially when there's more than 4-5 people in a group (like it is in university) so it was very interesting to find out that Git was the answer.

On top of that, I am currently working from home unless told otherwise and it seems that it's gonna stay that way for sometime (or even til the end of internship, who knows). Surprisingly after getting my life back in the last sem, I don't feel too stressed out about it. In fact, I really like wfh.

For example, I'm usually very sleepy by noon and I remembered how I used to sleep in the toilet at my previous internship bcos I couldn't keep my eyes open in front of my laptop and was too embarrassed to sleep at my desk. Then at lunch, I used to worry a lot on where to eat and how much I'm gonna spend on food for the day bcos eating out will cost a lot and I don't want to spend too much of my already-limited-internship-allowance. And when it was time to go home, I used to always feel weird if I go home earlier than the permanent employees bcos it seems that interns need to stay longer every time (even when we literally have nothing else to do lol). Lastly, commuting to work. Commuting is one of the most tiring part of working. Not only does it take a lot of your time doing nothing, it also means that you have to leave your house way earlier which equals to less sleep time. Personally, that is my least favourite thing about working in the office!

I am very blessed to start my internship at home. Some might say it's a bit of a loss bcos internship is usually the best time to build connection with the people in the office and they're not wrong. However, not having to worry about the reality of things like transportation, lunch and getting tired at work, also allows me to focus and enjoy my skill-based work more, which is the main reason of doing internship. 

Having done an internship before makes me see things in a different light and it might not be the case for everyone, but so far it's been good for me. Also a different work field might require more presence in the office than others, and fortunately my line of work suits wfh a lot.

The only bummer is that you can't see how busy your seniors really are and thus, you tend to expect a quick reply like how they would give if you were to ask them face to face. But they're already helpful and responsive enough for me, so it's not a huge deal and I appreciate them for that. 

I'm expecting a lot out of myself during this internship and I hope I can get somewhere with my programming skills. Gotta let myself be as dumb as possible yet still sounding somewhat favorable so that I won't annoy my seniors too much 😅

Dropping by,

Reporting for the last time about my uni life. The (somewhat) last update for it is that... MY RESULTS ARE OUT!! 

Have you ever been in front of the cashier and realized the item that you chose was over your budget, but felt too bad to say no, so you just pay for it?

I bet everyone face this once in a while. Most of us becomes a deer caught in the headlights whenever this happen. And from my personal experience, here is what you might be thinking at that time:

1. You didn't know you can say no.

2. You're afraid you'd trouble the cashier.

3. You're afraid the line will become longer if you say no.

4. You don't want to sound like you can't afford it.

Despite either one of the reasons or all of the reasons above, you don't have to feel bad for changing your mind and decided not to pay for something.

I have worked as a cashier before and people change their mind all the time. If it's not what you order, or you simply don't want to pay for it, you have all the right to say so. FYI, most of the cash system (or commonly known as POS - Point of Sale system) have a cancellation function. It even have a refund option for when you did pay but then realize it wasn't as you expected. Those are literally basic functions in a sale system.

I have heard my friend telling me that she didn't know cashiers can cancel or change customer's order after scanning or keying it in. She thought it was a permanent action and she have to pay for it once it is keyed in.

That is so not true. But one thing that might be true is not every staff have the access to cancel or change the item after keying in. Some system requires extra verification for doing that but it probably just take a couple of minutes to resolve it with their manager/supervisor and trust me, they've probably experienced similar situation because of their own mistakes before. So, don't feel bad and be firm on your request.

Recently, my brother wanted to use up the money in his e-wallet to pay for something that have a discount if he uses it. We chose our menu and when the cashier keyed in, it was a couple of sen more than what we expected. My brother felt bad and he told the cashier he could top-up some of the money first. Upon hearing that, I scolded him instead. He currently have RM7 and he needs to top-up a minimum of RM10 just to pay the extra sen - which was totally not worth it.

So I told the cashier that we'll change our options instead because we didn't have enough in our e-wallet. And this happen while there were at least 3 people queuing up behind us. It's not that we are being fussy, but it's our right to pay for only what we want.

In those situations, sometimes being frank could make them understand you better and gladly help you with your requests. After all, when it comes to money, we all could relate to a certain level.

One of the biggest cause for this is usually when the price tag and the price during checkout are different. If this is the case, don't feel bad to say, "It's okay, I'll just put it back" instead of regretting for paying more on something you think don't even worth that much.

The amount of times I felt bad for not being there to stop my friends from overpaying is surprising. And I don't think it's just the people around me, so I hope the next time you are facing a similar situation you can think to yourself, "I don't really have to pay" and politely put it away 😉

I hope you can make wiser money decision in the future, thanks for reading!

Dropping by,

This post will be about why I rejected Petronas' Internship offer. 

So, my experience with Petronas' hiring process was very... brief. 

I didn't have an interview. I simply submitted my resume and applied at their website, then got an offer letter in my e-mail 3 weeks later. Not as much to tell as KPMG's, huh?

Before coming to a decision, I have consulted and talked to more people, about this than an average person would, in accepting an internship offer. As my aunt would say it, "It's a very nice problem to have" lol... but jokes aside, both offers indeed is huge especially for the start of my career.

I'm gonna divide the advices that I got into 2 parts - advice from people who don't know KPMG and people who knows KPMG.

Commonly, everyone agrees that Petronas would look better in my CV - no doubt. So why do I still reject Petronas?

First, everyone who doesn't know KPMG obviously know about Petronas. Personally, I didn't know what KPMG and how big it is before accepting the offer too. So I understand where all of these advices are coming from - the big name. Nobody bothered what will I be doing, everyone only cares about the company. Well, if I didn't want to think further, Petronas is clearly the best bet.

When I posted the news on my IG story, I got more DMs asking about Petronas than I did with the KPMG offer. A lot of them advices me for long-term sake to join Petronas. Now, let's just hold it right here.

Next, the people who knows KPMG. This is where I hear great advices from people who actually talks about the working environment. It's a great place to gain experience because of the amount of projects they have. Which is why the learning curve is steep and why there are chances of me climbing up the ladder faster.

According to my aunt who's working in Petronas, the reason I didn't get an interview but straight to the offer letter is because if an employer/supervisor sees my resume and are interested, they could immediately send an offer to the candidate and that's normal. Funny in my previous post, I was being skeptical on companies that don't conduct any interviews...

Regarding the career growth, Petronas don't usually hire permanent staff. In order to cut down cost, they prefer to hire contract employees. And the department that I got which is ROVR, is a department under Petronas Dagangan that deals with the transport of fuel. It's unclear where would I fit in, but I kinda get a gist that my role might not be as interesting as what KPMG has to offer... somehow.

Actually both job descriptions are quite vague and I've heard daunting opinions on KPMG's but that is another thing I would have to try for myself to see.

On top of my aunt's advice, my uncle also had a fair share of advices on KPMG. 

From an experienced person's point-of-view, KPMG provides good training for their employees albeit it being very fast-paced. Which if I am an intern, is a better opportunity for me to learn and rack up on experience. For a start, it's not important for me to care on just the "name" because experience is what increases my value as an employee. Undeniably, even my aunt admits that Petronas also looks for an experienced person in hiring and people from KPMG is also favored.

Considering KPMG and Petronas are just as reputable, choosing one with a better career growth within the company seems like the better offer. As much as Petronas does sound better in a glance, I have to say that Petronas' offer does not really seem impressive, especially when I won't even be working at their HQ in KLCC lol.

Tbh, if I was comparing Petronas with some other small company, I would immediately accept it. But the dilemma isn't that, so wow it was a tough choice. 

My reasonings might seem all over the place but I hope this explains why I rejected such a great offer. If KPMG ranked 4th in 2020's M100 ranking, Petronas ranked 2nd... not a big difference but what did I do to deserve such fancy offers 😵

Dropping by,

Week 14 in the last semester might be the most stressful semester for some. 

Thank God in between the hectic Week 12 and 13, I was busy completing the tasks for Week 14 in advance AND had the free time to apply for jobs (had 2 months before the internship). Probably the most efficient I've ever been in my entire life #selfpatontheback 🤭

One of the jobs that I applied to was KPMG Malaysia and that was sent together with other big companies like Astro, Roche, Zalora and Petronas. Personally, I sent these without the slightest bit of hope that my application would get through. It was kinda like the places that I would only dare to dream of, but I sent anyway because this time around I have a criteria on the internship placement that I'm looking for.

FYI, this is my second internship. The first one was during Diploma and that was back in 2018. That internship was amazing and I met amazing people especially my dearest intern friends that I clicked so well with. It was really fun!

However, I didn't really like what I do there. Mainly because I didn't do any IT-related tasks, which was a huge bummer for me who have always been enjoying what I study. Not being able to taste the real working experience from what I study, or even surround myself with it, was upsetting tbh.

So I made some clear outlines of what I am expecting this time around. I'm very goal-oriented so here is my personal checklist of the job that I look for.

My Diploma internship salary was pretty satisfying which was RM700 so it was never my plan to settle for anything lesser, simply because I wanted to aim for an upgrade. If I could get that amount for doing an internship totally unrelated to my course, why can't my own major's internship give me more, right?

By now, it's pretty clear that I wish to do what I study so hard in. Therefore, my least expectation was to just be in an IT department, whether that be front or back end development. Even though my interest lean towards the planning and documentation aspect of development, I honestly didn't mind that much.

I sound so ambitious saying this, but I am. Having been in a small company before, made me wanna aim higher. I didn't mind being just a photocopy kid if it could mean that I can experience a different working environment. Taking up Diploma before, gave me the advantage to do 2 internships and I take this as a privilege to try different spectrums of my line of work in hope that I could see which kind of working environment suits me best. I'm a believer of trying things out for myself over someone else's judgment.

Of course a lot of people would agree with me on this. Having a security especially after graduating is one of the biggest concern for graduates, so I don't want to look into companies that are clearly not offering career growth from the get-go.

Basically those 4 are my only criteria in looking for a company. With that in mind, I applied to a total of 24 companies - twice as much as I did for Diploma.

And how many calls did I get back?

At the time of this offer... one. Just a single callback.

Honestly, it didn't felt that good. A lot of my friends got offers pretty fast, some didn't even go for an interview. Tbh, I am skeptical on those that don't have interviews. It speaks volume on their professionalism but let's not talk about that since I'm not an expert.

So the one I got a callback from was - as you know it - KPMG.

On a usual Wednesday evening, exactly a week after applying, I was scrolling my Twitter while laying on my bed when I got a call from KPMG's HR department. The person asked if I was free, which I clearly was so before I know it, I was engaged in an ad hoc phone interview.

I was literally trembling out of happiness on top of nervousness, while trying to sound professional answering the questions one by one. At first a lot of the questions were expected like introducing myself, my CGPA and SPM results and what are my strengths. There were also company-related questions like what do I know about them, did I apply to any other Big 4 companies and why did I apply here. Because it was ad hoc, I literally didn't even know what a "Big 4" was. Yang aku tahu Big 4 kpop je la. Obviously the interviewer calmly explained to me what it was, but I didn't know if I was leaving a bad impression or not for the lack of awareness 😮

Then I was asked on tougher questions (in my opinion) which was skilled-based, like what are my proudest achievement, my co-curricular activities and any past projects that I did. Frankly speaking, I'm not amazing at what I do. If you expect an IT major to be good at programming then that person isn't me. Of course, I know that IT is more than just programming but other than that as a "past project", I literally have no other thing to show, if that make sense. I managed to divert the failures into what sounds like a great project that started and ended with a definite purpose. In short, my IT projects were all great ideas that failed.

One thing that made KPMG stood out to me was the unique hiring process.

For one, they conducted a personality and psychometric test as you are applying. Basically, there are a total of 6 tests. 3 tests on personality, career and favorable work environment, then the other 3 are on cognitive ability like reading comprehension, logic and maths test. The latter 3 are hella tough especially because there were sooo many questions within such a short amount of time.

Secondly, I was actually given 3 different options on the job openings that they have during the interview. I apparently applied for their Cyber Security department when I applied for the Software Engineering position, which to me, was a bit confusing at first as security and software engineering are like two different majors in my university. The options that were given to me were Cyber Security which I assumed was a programmer, UI/UX designer and IT Advisory.

When the interviewer explained what IT Advisory was, I was so thrilled hearing about it. She initially gave only the first 2 options, but after that she asked if I wanted to deal with clients, which I jumped at and said yes! My favourite subject this semester is actually called Software Project Management and hearing that IT Advisory do exactly that in real life, was so exhilarating to just imagine. 

With that, they told me to expect a respond in 2 weeks' time - which if you aren't getting any other calls, felt like forever.

While playing the waiting game, I was doubting myself.

I feel such a hypocrite saying this but not getting any other calls was pretty disappointing, especially when you're already feeling incompetent on the one company that did got back to you.

After 9 days of waiting, I finally received the internship offer I was praying for. Alhamdulillah. KPMG is the one company that not only checks off all of the criteria I mentioned earlier, it's also so close to my house so going to the office is mainly not gonna be a problem.

I have a lot of great hopes for this internship. I hope it will give an even better experience than my past internship did. To my friends who are still struggling on finding the right placement, I pray you guys get what you aim for too.

Here I leave you with an office tour of KPMG Tower, which I found a day after the phone interview and made me go "I NEED TO WORK HERE" hahaha. Hopefully I'll be able to set foot here one day though, enjoy 😜

P.S. I feel even prouder when I found out KPMG is listed as the 4th company out of 100 in the Malaysia's Leading Graduate Employers Ranking in 2020 or known as M100. 

I might have a lot of interesting stories to share with you guys about my working experience this year insyaAllah 🤓

BUT THEN...

2 days after I accepted KPMG's offer, I got another unexpected offer from Petronas. Check out part 2 of this post to know the rest of the story!

Dropping by,

It'll be great if I can do this annually, so that I'll be reminded of each song's meaning every time. To be honest, this isn't as hard as I thought. Even though there were more songs that I liked. These are few of those songs that really lifted my spirit whenever I'm feeling emotional. 

This song was recommended by Wooseok himself in a pre-concert interview.

It speaks about life being like a domino - you always try your best to stand up but at times, you just kept falling down. It's a very personal song to Wooseok so he felt hesitant when they decided to release this solo in his collab album. But I'm glad he did bcos finding a personal song that is officially released on Spotify is so hard 😩

I could picture both myself and PENTAGON through this song. It's a way to tell someone to let me be, but please don't go.

This year, I've been personally convinced that people who are depressed or having a mental breakdown doesn't necessarily want to hide it. We wished that we could express our feelings too, and when we do, don't try to comfort us with words but just be there for us. I guess the moment you say words that stop us from sharing (because you think it'd be hard on us) is just making us feel more unaccepted. So just lend your ears. 

McFly has always been like that one friend who could relate to the inner me. Their music always touches my heart in a very personal way.

'Tonight is the Night' is about finally convincing yourself to break free and confront your worries tonight. It's a way of saying don't hold in any longer and just let everything out now. It's such a perfect song if you need some push to do something you're hesitating on.

This song sums up an entire episode of living with sadness, ironically in a very fun tune. When I felt really sad, hearing someone else share a similar situation gives me some assurance that I'm doing good enough. And that is what this song does. It gives that imaginary pat on the back.

This year is a beautiful mess for both PENTAGON and their fans.

'Eternal Flame' is a fan song and there's so much events that resonates with this song. Their first full album (Dr. Bebe's comeback) excluded a member - Yanan, while the latest album (Daisy's comeback) excluded another member - Jinho, so this was the only song this year and probably for the years to come that includes all of the current members of PENTAGON - which is very disheartening to hear as a fan. 

I love hearing fan songs and this meant more as it was made for us.

"Will the spring snow come?"
— Spring Snow (2019)

"Spring snow will come to us too"
— Shine+Spring Snow (2020)

"It always snows in our spring"
— Eternal Flame (2020)#PENTAGON #펜타곤 @CUBE_PTG pic.twitter.com/dWAFtLMprz

— 구름☁️ (@changgurie) December 18, 2020

I listen to this song so much this year since the day I discovered it. I like the verses in this song and it's totally how I view the people around me sometimes.

This song is about waiting for someone, maybe to be acknowledged or just to get some of their attention. It's kinda like how parents wait for us kids, going out and about in our busy lives yet patiently wait for us til the day we come back home. 

Or kinda how we are unsure of how people felt about us, at times we don't care enough about each other and I actually wrote a blog post of something similar called 'Frientimacy' and I think that is very much what this song is about.

The verse that caught my attention most was;

and another one (imagine your parents or loved ones saying this 😪);

This song is about dreaming big and believing in yourself. Even when success seems further to you more than everyone else, holding on to the hope that you'll shine someday should be your focus. There's a bridge at the end of the song that goes "I want you to be my light" kinda like saying, it'll be nice if I could have you along.

As a fan of 1TEAM, I do keep some hope that they'll be known one day. However, it's hard to keep up as an average group in kpop, where even those from the big companies are struggling. Anyway, this song reminds me of that hope of wanting to have a successful life.

My favourite line is actually the beginning rap;

I guess you can say, staying mostly at home requires a lot of self-comfort.

Those are my list of 5 songs that got me through 2020. Spotify song list aren't exactly accurate when it comes to emotional connection. Before I leave, here's my Spotify 2020 Wrapped just as my future record.

Dropping by,

Last year I posted a 2020 resolutions for the upcoming year, so this end of the year is the perfect time to review them before the step into a new year.

Below is my resolutions listed with the ones that I have and haven't completed:

To summarize, I only achieved 3 things out of 10 of them. Not a great achievement tbh but mainly bcos my interest has just been changing this past year. 

I realized that some of the things listed are actually harder to achieve since I'm still a student and very much restricted. Some other really just went south because of my incompetency and lack of proficiency. Probably expected too much from myself.

With that, here's a 2021 version of it.

1. Graduate degree with at least a 3.5 CGPA

Currently no longer a 3.5 pointer student huhu.

2. Build a micro-habit system

I've seen a video talking about building micro-habits and was totally up for it. However, I haven't been setting up one for myself and feel like I should any time soon. So, I'm looking forward to building that system and incorporate that into my life by the end of next year.

3. Upload more kpop covers than I did in 2019.

I'm gonna re-attempt this resolution simply because I've actually been disappointed in myself of not achieving this in the past year.

4. Rebuild that emergency fund

I was actually close to setting aside RM1000 in my emergency fund back in 2019 but failed because I ended up using it to fund my exchange programme and Korea trip. In 2020, I didn't have much to save and financially was pretty tough. But I've been trying to build my emergency fund back and I'm gonna work harder in being strict about it this time.

2021 goal: RM1000

5. Post at least once in each month

The best feeling is when I read back all my archive and relive each moments long after it happened. It's honestly why I kept this blog for so long even when nobody really reads them. Documenting my life through this blog is probably one of the happiest decisions I've ever made in my life.

I think that would be all that I'm gonna put out there. I'll leave the rest of the resolutions to my journal as they're pretty personal 🤭

Dropping by,

Staying at home has made my days pretty much a routine - class, kpop, kdrama, shopee, sleep, repeat. I've lately been addicted in collecting shopee coins lol. But even so, not one day felt boring enough til I don't wanna get out of bed. 

I think that alone is something last semester me couldn't relate. 

Hence, I decided to analyze a little bit of how things went differently this time. And of course, I'll try focusing on the things that I have control over. 

First, my mindset towards having a "break".

Last time, I used to think that I intensely needed some break every time I get overwhelmed. When my friends tell me I should get some time off, I really did. But that's the mistake, I overdid it. I rested so much that I ended up not doing anything with the actual work.

I gave myself too many reasons for a "break" that made myself very manja and lazy. I was really just running away from my responsibilities - which definitely took a toll on both my grades and mental health (in case you weren't reading my previous posts).

One thing that I learn from that is, I shouldn't have a break unless I've finished some work. I know it should go without saying, but sometimes, you gotta have a strong mind to achieve it.

Next is being time efficient in planning.

I have always loved planning. But do I always stick to them...? Uhh 🙂

Ok, so I suck at keeping up with my own plans. Then that left me with two options, either to build a new planning system or retry the old one.

That got me thinking. I realised that I never truly even keep up with the current system I have, so I decided to turn a new page and have a fresher start. I didn't change anything in how I plan since my diploma days. However, what I did change was my attitude towards it.

I didn't ignore my checklist and frequently updates them. To make sure I am not overwhelmed with work, I always break things down to smaller tasks. Instead of writing "Study Chapter 1, 2 and 3", I break down to 3 separate checklist - "Chapter 1", "Chapter 2" and "Chapter 3". 

Does it make my list longer? Yes. Does it motivate me more? Surprisingly it does. After I'm done with one chapter, I crosses one out and it gave me a great feeling of accomplishment even over something so little. 

From there, I realised that my focus is not about being productive, it should be about having consistent progress. There's no use in being super productive when the thing I should overcome is to just get myself to do something.

Lastly, complaining less.

I noticed that people don't complain when they're doing well. You'd think that is very obvious, but to me, that is a huge indicator that I'm doing well. Complaining less means lesser negativity so it's always nice to vibrate positive energy from within. I don't just mean complaining on social media, I mean complaining in real life - whether to your friends, your family or just whoever you speak day-to-day to.

To stop myself from complaining, I just force myself to do my best. I get myself to face all the work that I know scares me, just so that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I think we tend to complain about the things we worry most and it really shows when I get anxious even after letting it out.

I really hate that feeling so I try to address every single thing that makes me most anxious, soonest. So far, it has left me with more space to breathe. They still sometimes do keep me up at night, but at least it no longer linger more than it should. And I think that is a positive sign.

All in all, I am in my Week 11 of my final semester. Few more weeks until final presentations and final assessment. I'm praying I can get the GPA that I hope for, but most importantly the intern place that I dream of.

My degree life is actually ending soon! I'm not ready be an adult 😲😲

Dropping by,

As someone who love watching k-dramas and listening to k-pop, I feel like VPN is becoming an essential tool for international fans. 

Sometimes, k-entertainment can be very restricting to certain regions that makes it unnecessarily hard for some of us to access them. So in this post I will be showing you how I personally overcome that! 

First, you need to find a VPN that works for you. What is VPN, you may ask?

VPN stands for virtual private network. In layman's term, it's basically used to hide your actual device's IP address with another IP address (thus the name "virtual") to trick the internet into thinking your location is not where you actually are. Some use it for safety purposes (like when using public wifi), others use it for this kind of accessibility purposes.

My personal fav is Psiphon. It was recommended to me when I needed to access restricted contents (like KissAsian to watch kdramas) when using the student's wifi.

Here is the download link https://psiphon3.com/en/download.html. You first need to download and install it in your PC. I personally don't really use the app version, so it might work differently through the app. 

Once you've downloaded and installed Psiphon, you can simply run the application every time you want to access any restricted content.

You can simply disconnect it to get your local IP address back. Easy as that!

However, this VPN do have a limited list of countries you can connect to. For my case, South Korea is not in the list, so Korean contents are still not directly available for me. However, contents that is available to USA is easily available once I turn this on. Most of the time, that worked well enough for me.

I never really had a need to change to other VPN in the 5 years of using this, but feel free to try other software if this doesn't work for you. 

That is it for this little tutorial, hope you could benefit from it.

Dropping by,