Welp, but then again I didn't really expect such a score, so getting 'straight' As was good enough, Alhamdulillah. I told myself, I ain't so dumb after all. 

Back during UPSR and PMR, I've been getting pretty nice straight As. I knoow those are such low-level of success though. However, that was the last straight As I've gotten in high school. Legitly. In form 4, I was too busy being active in koko that I subconsciously put aside all my study matters. So in form 5, even after being placed in the 'last' pure science class, that didn't help me buck-up to improve on my grades at all. In fact, I slacked-off more.

Upper secondary is the time where I face real failure... an F. Truth is, I've never been the kind of person who people would be looking for to solve a problem on a certain subject. Someone would be asking around class a question but you know, you aren't on that level of intelligence when that person didn't even bother asking you but she asks all those around you. Or the kind of person teachers or anyone would give compliment for your improvement on a certain test. Because really, such compliment isn't worth the slightest improvement that I've achieved. Things like that cast me aside, when talking about grades. 

Therefore, by obtaining such result I am in shock. Well, I know it's just pre-sem but yknow, a good start always makes it better. For SPM, my worst subject (other than the Sciences) is Accounts. I srsly suck at it. Be it the concept and principles or transferring data or even balancing accounts, it was confusing shit. Obvs because being too active in form 4 made me skip 80% of classes after school and not going for tuition made things worse. Form 5 made me realise so I started going for each and every tuition classes but my grades still were just extremely bad. I've failed. Multiple times. Not only that, my kerja kursus wasn't even handed-in. I remember clearly my accounts teachers telling me to be serious and patiently waited for me to submit both form 4 AND form 5 kerja kursus. P/S: Those who didn't submit form 4's wasn't supposed to continue the subject in form 5 but I managed to keep going by being silent about it. 

In the end, I guess things are just meant to be for me to get an A- for accounts. From either an E or F, an A- was sure a HUGE ASS IMPROVEMENT. Yet nobody realised. It was because of this very reason that SPM Results Day became quiet ugly for me - look wise lol.

My uni might not be all that glam or recognised but I ain't chasing the spotlight bcos as long as I'm making worth of every penny my parents sacrificed, then that's all that matters. I also ain't gonna aim for Dekan or any fancy title as such, but I am gonna aim for smtg as satisfying as this. Self-satisfactory always win one way or another. More than the mere attention from judgmental people. 

With this, I really hope Semester 1 that soon will start after this break will do me good - mentally, physically and spiritually. InsyaAllah.