In between start and end

Definitely ain't yo average kdrama. 

'Memories of the Alhambra' (or 알함브라 궁전의 추억 which is the literal Korean translation) is a 16-episode drama aired late 2018 until early 2019 on tvN and Netflix starring Hyun Bin and Park Shin Hye. It's also the drama with EXO's Chanyeol. 

Poster credit goes to MyDramaList

This time it is getting much more intense. Like is2g my heart almost dropped at the last scene. This drama is really making me lose my logic lol. How can a dead person came back to life and even harm someone even though it's meant to be part of the 'game'? No... how can a person die through the game in the first place? But the preview for the next ep is really tempting my tired self to continue watching ugh.

One thing we found out is how he became limp. Can we just talk about the preview?? Chanyeol's character Se-ju is INVISIBLE but alive and things seems very complicated now. Something is fishy about the passing-by part between CEO and the foreigner who shared the same train room with Chanyeol... why was it being slow-moed? Another heart wrenching ep where we witness the painful fall. Not to mention, that hospital duel scene which felt so scary huhu. But the logic behind the game was very funny, when the 'obstacle' mention could be a human too. So far, it's on a good-pace.

I can feel his fatigueness and cluelessness about this whole Mr. Cha as NPC all. Like I wanted to tell everyone not to leave him alone, but that's what exactly happened - everyone leaving. Not gonna lie, I want this reappearing to end soon, but at the same time, pretty sure it's gonna last all the way through. Damn it. But we are served with a little appetizer on the romance part. Good start for that tho, good start.

Everything is back in Seoul. Somehow it seems like things is falling back into place in this ep. But I doubt that would last long. I don't know about this but I feel like there's smtg with the ring Mr. Cha is wearing bcos cinematographically speaking, the camera has always aimed at his ring. I might be wrong ofc but we'll see. 

Hee Ju is cleverer than I think. Halfway through out this ep, I thought she was completely fooled by the emails from her "brother" but boy the ending had me wrong. I didn't expect truth to be uncovered so fast. So now, the mystery of Se-ju's disappearance continues...

A lot of things is explained in this ep. The alliance, Marco, the game dealing... there are still some question marks but we're getting there. I haven't noticed this earlier but I looove when Jinwoo talks to Hee Ju, Hyun Bin played his character so charmingly well. His voice sounded like a true gentleman's and I can't help but to fangirl every time he talks to her awwh. I am also beginning to see where things will go south in the drama. Jinwoo will be kicked out by his company and the train scene we witness in ep 2 will happen soon. All bcos of that Professor Cha. I can't even tell whether he is good or bad, or what does a professor even have to do with the game company. Jinwoo is showing signs of interest to Hee Ju but we need a couple more scenes for them to make up and finally let her understand the situation. Jinwoo is really smart and strong-willed for finally reaching lvl 90 in the game. I wonder what was the message he got from the eagle.

It's clear now how bad Professor Cha is. When he tried to matchmake Jinwoo with his first wife, I was disgusted. What kind of dad would let his son's widowed wife remarry her ex-husband?? He wouldn't expect them to be happy after that would he? It'll probably just benefit the dad but idek how lol. Let's talk about the ending. After Mr. Cha was killed in the train at Granada, it was like an apocalypse. The secretary Jeong Hun seems to be dead when he got off the train and swarmed by enemies, but I doubt so. I feel like killing a character that fast is very abrupt and off. I can see the look in Jinwoo's eyes when he read that his ally was dead tho and I think there's more to it than we think.

Probably an ep where you need the toughest heart to get through. So I was wrong about the secretary in the previous ep. Apparently things didn't end well for him. Back in Seoul, they showed a scene where Hee Ju met Se-ju outside of her house but they took us back to 8 hours before and never got back to us since. Hmm. We arrived back at the 'present' time continuing Jinwoo's monologue from ep 2 while he was in the train fighting off terrorists. For him to continue the quest on his own is such a crazy thing to do and this meant that the game would really get crazier. 3 people died bcos of the game so far, and it has only been pre-released. Augmented Reality (AR) could actually be very scary. Pity Jinwoo, people are dying around him - first his ex-best friend and now his devoted secretary. On top of physically drained from killing people everyday. I would've turned heartless if I were him.

An ep about losing the people who once trusted you. I can see how miserable Jinwoo's life is right now. The feeling of hopeless, and seeing the secretary genuinely crying for him while looking after him when he was at his lowest is really sad. I'm just glad Jinwoo is thoughtful enough to notice that. All of his effort for a year just to find Se-ju but only ended up being labeled as crazy, a murderer and now everybody turning their backs on him, not realising what he did was for a greater good. He could've just gave up on Se-ju altogether but he didn't. IS2G I NEED TO SEE PROFESSOR CHA PLAY THIS GAME. He needs to see the actual 'flaw' of the game. I'm sick of hearing they investigated the system without even testing it outside of Seoul or even fight against another user. Like hello... not all bugs are visible yknow. Nobody is listening to Jinwoo and when the secretary finally experienced it too, people still not buying it. Now the secretary's dead... PEOPLE SHOULD HEAR FROM AN ACTUAL PLAYER WHO RANKED MORE THAN THEY DO FOR ONCE!! 

The last scene is their first kiss. The beginning of it was kinda awkward, the usual Park Shin Hye kiss hahah but it got a little more bearable. Please be a good love story, don't disappoint uri Jinwoo like his other wives.

This ep is a less intense one. I like this ep so much cos there's more affection and less fighting scenes. But hands down, the ultimate scene is when Professor Cha sees his son. Taste his wrath yourself, you heartless man! 

Another of my personal fav, is when Minju (Hee Ju's adorable sister) was left alone in the house bcos her grandma and Hee Ju had to stay at the hospital overnight and Jinwoo came home to accompany her. Then the next morning, he prepared breakfast for her bcos he thinks that "he shouldn't let her go to school on an empty stomach" AWWWH #husbandmaterial and even complained how she was hard to wake up. They felt like an actual couple. I'm in love. If only a guy as gentle as him truly exists, I would fall immediately for him hahah.

P.S. I can't help but to notice the sponsored content in this ep tho. Hee Ju's makeup, earrings, even drink. There's Mamonde, Swarovski, Toreta... full-on sponsors back-to-back during Hee Ju's grwm scene lol.

I feel sad watching Se-ju being betrayed by Marco. That game was entirely his and just bcos Marco could speak for them, he's taking more reward out of this?! Greedy much? I couldn't believe how Marco was hit by random bullets Se-ju shot while he was scared tho. On top of that, it was a headshot?? 

Now I see Professor Cha repenting a bit, but dat bitch Yura is now the big bully. What else does she want from Jinwoo? Fame? Money? She's already well-known as it is gdi. The character Emma is the gem in this ep. Who would've thought that hand accessory she wears while strumming the guitar is a symbolic to a legendary hand? The incorporation of history is pretty cool here. We are now moving from fights using body to fights using our heads now. Thanks Se-ju.

Finally, this is the episode we've been waiting for. A completed quest. Well, Go Yura is a mess and Su Jin is a silent mess also. I don't know what I want from the characters, I wished they disappear from the story sooner bcos they bring nothing but disappointments hmm. When Jinwoo reached level 100, it was a reliever. But when Jeong-hun reappeared, that was the highlight. I miss him. And ofc, the ending in this ep meant things will get better... right? I hope so. Finally, Se-Ju is back. For reals. However, the preview is showing another problem, probably involving Professor Cha. I wonder what could that be.

Se-ju's back but the whole thing hasn't end yet. So many unfinished business with the game, the reinvestigation and the problematic wives... but then Professor Cha never seems to make things any better. I take back all my nice thoughts on him. He is the most fake, hypocritical scumbag who's selfishness level couldn't even compare to a devil's. He shouldn't even be allowed to breath and I thought I would have to see him commit another heartless crime after sending troops of high-level NPCs to Jinwoo. But boi, am I glad when Mr. Cha appeared. I feel like the Heavens helped Jinwoo so much when that happened lol. The unfortunate part is, he wasn't the one to end the mess after causing so much of them. SATAN. Mind the anger...

How can somebody be as patient as Jinwoo tho?? He kept all of this misery to himself, bearing the pain physically and mentally for more than a year, nobody believed in him when he was trying to protect everyone, getting backstabbed again and again... yet he still gives second chances to people he cared for even when they didn't have the slightest care for him. And now you're telling me, HE IS THE GAME BUG?? AND THAT HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED FOR THE GAME TO RESET?? WTH MAN. Honestly, the saddest lead I've came across in the kdrama history. He deserved all the happiness in the world, not another misery smh.

It's the last ep.

Sorry for the mood hindrance but.... today is 31st August 2020 and I honestly have kept this post dusted for more than a year. I was probably too overwhelmed by the ending lmao 😅

Anyway, I remember really liking this drama and would recommend it to anyone! I even recommended it on my Instagram before (refer pic below at no. 8) cos this drama was really remarkable. 

I wish to do this ep-by-ep review again soon, even though it's honestly tiresome as I always watch dramas halfway in one sitting nowadays. BUT I'll try. It's actually fun when reading things back hahah 😂

Thanks for reading this different style of review!

Dropping by,

       We all worry about the unknown - our future. All of us are trying to be a better version of ourselves but nobody tells us that it doesn't have to happen now. That it doesn't need to happen immediately. 

       I always find myself worrying about next year or the next 5 years or the next decade of my life... then I wonder, I'm not gonna go anywhere in life if I screw up the present. But honestly, the present is a bit too overwhelming if I put too much thought on it. What's closer ahead is actually scarier than the unknown. It's like I'm only giving myself Plan A options.

        Do you realise that a lot of the videos that people do are always 'Things I wish to tell my 20 year old self', 'Mistakes in my 30s' and so on and so forth. Funny that there's none for the people at 40s and 50s. Is it because our generation aren't there yet? Or is it because young people are obsessed with always being on the right track?

        Have you ever wondered why people watch those kinds of videos? It's because we tend to make sure that we're avoiding mistakes other people do to "save" our time. We worry too much about living a perfect life where everything is sorted out for us.

        I'm gonna sound hypocritical because honestly, that's what I do too. I have lots of future plans. I wanna move out and live in a studio apartment closer to my workplace wherever that may be. I wanna keep living frugally and practice sustainable living - which will probably be more within my control if I'm living by myself. I don't plan to marry so soon anymore so I'm gonna focus on my career goals first. 

        BUT now I realise that I don't have to make it happen immediately. Those videos that mentioned 20s and 30s in their title should not be MY definite timeline. I kinda agree when people say "When you're in your 20s and you make mistake, nobody is gonna scold you because you're still a kid". I personally think the younger you are, the more mistakes you should make cos that's the best way to learn. However, putting a time limit on the mistakes made, is just wrong. Life is all about learning... being young may be a good excuse to do a mistake but shouldn't always be. As long as you're living, the mistake you do at 40 isn't any worse than the same mistake other people do in their 20. We just live different lifestyle and environment. The only takeaway is that we're learning from it despite our age.

        More people, including myself, need to be okay with having our own pace. Whether that means we're a little slow or a little fast, it's better to enjoy life as it is. I wanna stop beating myself up and think I'm falling behind every time I take a break. Honestly, if that is what I need and that is what's best for me, I don't wanna rush. I'm tired of always needing to be "doing a lot". At times, I just wanna do mundane things like learning a new recipe or updating my journals or work on useless things that makes me happy. Sad that these are too boring and less impressive by people's standards.

        With that, I'm leaving you with few of the quotes from a collection of kdramas I've watched before that I think very wise to learn from.

- Rich Man

- The Best Ending (web drama)

- The King: Eternal Monarch

- I Wanna Hear Your Song

- Anna Karenina (Miss Hammurabi)

- Miss Hammurabi

- About Time

- Love O2O (Chinese drama)

- Encounter

- He is Psychometric

- While You Were Sleeping

- Because This is My First Life

- A Korean Odyssey

There's nothing much to take away from this post. Just feel like sharing one new thing I learn - to create my own pace. Thanks for reading!

Dropping by,

        In this post, I feel like sharing a little bit about my mental health. Honestly, I'm confident that I haven't suffered a severe condition such as depression or panic attacks. It's a bit too far-fetched for now. There is definitely a fine line between being mentally healthy and mentally ill, which I am probably neither. I wanted to talk about this sensitive topic because to me, this has somewhat become more significant in my life that I think is worth being documented in this blog.

       Due to my lack of knowledge and understanding, I will try not to talk about other people and compare my situation with others as this may give the wrong information. Therefore, a lot of these things will be about how it began for me and how has my mental health been these days.

        So... the thing is... I often get anxious when I get texts. Obviously this doesn't happen all the time and it's usually when I feel somehow obligated to give a respond to people. Often times it's whenever I am the group leader for an assignment or I need to update on my work to lecturers or just friends demanding for replies. Yes, this is one of my anxiety triggers.

        It may sound funny because this is legit daily life but like I said, it's not an everyday occurrence. What I mean by 'obligated' is when people expect me to give a reply at times I don't feel like replying. It doesn't matter if it puts good or bad pressure on me, but it will always lead to me reacting negatively.

        Which is why I have problem with online class. That thing FORCES me to give a respond and expects students to be ready at all times. I feel wrongful just thinking about it. Somehow I don't have a problem with face-to-face interaction, but I'm dead serious when I say online interaction freaks me out. What's worse is that, lecturers don't bother about these things and nobody really sees it as an issue.

        And over the years I've developed a thing called avoidance behaviour. In fact, this term is very new to me because I've only known to it during the past week.

        In layman's terms, avoidance behaviour is when someone avoids a situation or person due to fear. At this point, I'm aware of what causes me to react that way. However my biggest problem is that the cause is actually people. I've always kept a journal with me, where I will usually write when I am feeling devastated or sometimes very happy though it's often the former.

        I realised that my problem with people is I have tendency to sweep my feelings under the rug whenever I present myself. The feelings that I meant are either anger, frustration, emotional or general dissatisfaction. Basically I kept my negativities away til it crumbles upon me. 

          I often heard people say that I am always a positive person. Well, though that can be true, it is also what makes it harder for me to let out the negative emotions that I felt towards certain people. Like I don't even know how to get mad sometimes. It's not because I'm being nice, it's genuinely because I am afraid of saying the wrong things when deep down, I really want to let them hear me.

        People don't change, I've learnt that well enough. There's no use telling people what they did wrong, if they don't care about it. However, it definitely has been taking its toll on me as the person who have to deal with it alone.

        As a result, I tend to avoid texts altogether - both reading and replying. I've actually been doing so since 2016 and I feel like I will keep on doing it. Based on my recent journal writings, I actually go MIA at least once in a month for a few days. It's actually bad bcos I literally get new messages everyday and it was definitely worse when I was drowning by online classes.

        When I avoid these unwanted "conversations", it's when I feel even more anxious. I know I needed to reply but I'm scared to engage with people so I'm literally stuck in a pit, trying to self-convince. My fear actually lies in people's response. Somehow I can get very disappointed when I don't get a respond I was expecting. So when this disappointment build up, it turns into self-hatred - because I begin questioning my trust on people. And it's a cycle I go through every once in a while.

        I remember it started because I was scared of ruining my friend's expectation. You know, at times you're too ashamed to let people see a part of you so you tried your best to hide it. That was literally how it began. I was too scared that friend will be disappointed in me if I rejected for whatever reason I had so at first, I tried to ignore. In the end, I gave in and forced myself to do something I hesitated in order to please that person. Basically this rooted from a fear towards one's expectation.

        That is why I will be very grateful if I'm not forced to do certain thing. But reality doesn't work that way and though I got better in dealing with my triggers, I can't help but to always expect it come back because the problem always rooted from people and I can't do anything to change them.

        So, that is my little story about my mild social anxiety(?) like I don't even know what to classify this as. Oh and remember that I made a blog dedicated to my poetry? If you didn't know, then SEE HERE. That was actually my coping mechanism on this problem. And that blog was made in 2017.

I hope you are doing good. As always, thanks for reading!

Dropping by,

So in no particular order, let's go!

Poster credit to MyDramaList

I am very picky with variety shows. It's very rare that I follow through a variety show for long. In fact, I never did.