I got good news and bad news. Good news is written on the title... Bad news is my short sem starts literally this Monday. In other words, this semester and the next one will be one continuously loooong hell of a ride.

I'm only taking one subject this short semester which will last for 2 months (8 weeks) so I was kinda thinking of doing a part time job in the mean time. I have no idea how that'll affect me as I am a big "due tomorrow, do tomorrow" kind of person based on how terrible my time management skill during online class. However, I'm doing one subject and one part time job only... how bad can Amelynn be, right?

I respect people who can juggle so many commitments at a time. Like, I could never.

I have this classmate who's part of the student's council, always the class representative, a 3.9 pointer student and worst of all... he's freaking married. During one of the weeks when things got busier, he could even make time to guest in a webinar session in the midst of all that LIKE BRUH?! 

I'm no way in the same circle as him, but knowing somebody like that in real life really makes me reevaluate my life.

"Messed up" is an understatement for this semester. I genuinely think I might get lower than a C for 2 of my core subjects. 

RIP good 3.5 CGPA 😭😭😭

But honestly, if you ask me, even before semester started, I already doubted I could score well for those 2 subjects. It was already something I put the least faith in. Even though I thought I started the semester with the right foot, there was definitely a huge pressure on how heavy my subjects suddenly became. There were less easy electives or university's mandatory subjects or those subjects that could be a leeway in boosting my grades for this semester. Everything is starting to get tough and that was something I felt burdened by. It was expected as I step into my 3rd year of study yet it was hard to accept as my reality.

What makes things tougher was definitely online class. It caused me to be more detached than I ever were in my classes. I have always liked doing things in person. What used to be simple things like "asking lecturers for opinions", "approaching classmates for help" and "talking about problems with friends", now felt very uncomfortable for me that I barely address them altogether. In case you don't know, I prefer face-to-face more than virtual interaction. I do complain to my friends and social media (literally me rn) but definitely nothing in-depth as much as I liked to, so that itself is a big frustration that I had to face.

People said working from home gets better with time, but unfortunately not in my case. Things were equally as bad if not worse, by the end of everything. I am still as lost as ever in my classes that I might be missing more marks than I thought I did. Also because my lecturers are probably overflowing with assumptions that we know what we're doing and sticking with that thought throughout this entire semester, so they never even considered to cut people like me some slack.

Didn't think I would be a slow learner. But online class really did me dirty.

I don't want next semester to be online but I also don't want to go back to campus, simply because it's more financially comfortable being with my family. We're still waiting for updates from our university but I really hope it will still be online. This time, I'll make sure to be prepared for it.

Hoping you're doing way better than I am 😅

Dropping by,