This should be a real thing. I can feel my body slowly showing symptoms of aging once Week 14 kicks in. 

At this confusing phase of the semester where exams are now shifted into final assessment due to the pandemic, there are things I glad I did this semester.

One is taking few of my most deadly subjects this time around. I know it sounds like something I'm NOT glad about hahah. It's because this whole unfamiliarity of online class actually gives me some space to relax my overwhelming thoughts on the fact that I'm burdening myself with heavy credits. At the beginning of this semester, as much as I was prepared for it, I was not. My classes were a lot to take in. 

There were a lot of factors resulting to this. One of it was me being alone all the time because I took different classes than the rest of my friends. Now that I'm at the end of the semester, I admit it does get pitiful to see yourself feeling demotivated by it. Like class just ain't so fun anymore. Not seeing a group chat talking about any of the assignments I had is hella lonely.

However, I in the slightest bit, did not regret my decision to go alone for those subjects. It turned out to be the most insightful classes I've ever taken. All 3 of the classes I dreaded, somewhat relates back to each other and helped me understand things a lot better than if I were not to take those at once. 

Most importantly, my lecturers were so understanding of my situation. The moment I requested to join from a different course and the moment I found out I was the only student in my lab session, these lecturers have been helpful since the very beginning.

I don't mind not getting a good grade because of my late or lack of submissions, but I have honestly grow a lot this semester. I've become better at adapting.

To add things on, I pulled through my FYP1. I didn't have good feelings for this one since the start. This time it was worse than my Diploma's FYP. Not kidding. If I started 2 weeks before presentation for my Diploma, I started like 10 days before my presentation for my FYP1. I hate myself so much.

FYP scares me. It is so daunting that I don't want to do another FYP in my entire life. The fact that I'm supposed to be independent and show my progress whenever I'm done with something, don't really sink in well with me. It's so hard to discipline yourself like that. I NEED A DEADLINE. I didn't know it was my BIGGEST struggle until I talked to my FYP supervisor. I literally begged for a deadline 2 weeks down the road.

It's a huge problem but it's a BIGGER self-realisation. It means that I am not suited to work on my own especially for my future career. If that ever happens, it won't last. Unless I found a way to tell myself otherwise. 

I work best when I'm pushed. When I want something, my determination pushes me. But when I don't, something else needs to push me - be it deadlines or someone I don't wanna disappoint. For my FYP... I didn't have a push. Honestly, me extending a semester didn't even seem to scare me no more. I'm so immune by this degree... like YOLO.

Now that I'm only left with uploading my FYP report to the system, I just want to pat myself on the back man. My Week 10 self would be surprised to know how much I've learnt during the short period of time. I'm so amazed by the amount of things I've managed to do and the amount of coding I've tackled. Won't do it again, but I still can't believe the hardest part is over.

Thank you to those who listened to my cries. Y'all watching my Instastories are such a relief too. I am able to stay sane bcos I complained so much on social media lol.

Here's to the next update and next FYP - FYP2 😵

Dropping by,