It's nothing new that I plan my subjects separately from my friends for the semester. I did it once before and it turned out to be a wonderful experience. Only this time, it's unexpectedly at a whole different level.

I'm... the only student for my lab session. 

Alone with my lecturer. You see me, I see you. Can you sense my awkwardness???

In fact, I actually have 2 classes where I'm totally on my own this semester. Meaning I have no friend attending the same class. Definitely have to agree that this kind of study plan isn't for everyone. Because it requires extra effort to remember the given task and cancelled classes, knowing there are no other people to keep you reminded on them. That also means I literally have no one else to refer to other than the lecturer for my assignments. I'm saying this because my friends aren't exactly the independent type.

But what makes it worse is that the class where I'm forced to be one-to-one with is the class where majority of the students who take it last semester scored really badly. And I mean, she failed a lot of her students. 

She even admitted and told me her reasons why she failed them. It was because most of them didn't submit their lab work. But I ain't kidding when I said her lab work is tough as hell. Imagine, I am a software major and this class is my core subject. However, it doesn't just teach the programming aspects. It includes networking, GUI and database modelling that we are required to implement on - which FYI is 3 other different IT majors! And she expects us to know what we're doing... I barely even understood the programming language.

I slightly broke down after my second lab session last week. I lack a lot in programming and I am well-aware of that. Because I'm the only student, it doesn't help that I've no where to hide. My only coping mechanism is to show that I'm totally dumb and clueless. So that she won't have any expectation on me. Well of course, that dumbness isn't totally an act also la.

This is just one concern for one subject. I have 6 other subjects to concern about and everything is getting more overwhelming as I type. It's already 3 weeks in but it's too early to give up. Feels like I could do it, but it would take a lot of struggles to get that good grade for sure. Apatah lagi nak dapat A...

Degree life is hard. Or was diploma too lenient? Hmm.

Dropping by,

Melynn.