In between start and end

Yesterday, I hanged out with my uni friends and it had been so long since we met that we straight talked about how internship has been for us. To think that we are already on our own separate path instead of just separate classes is such a weird feeling. Reminded me of how strange it felt when my high school friends are doing totally different things after graduating high school. Technically, I did spend an entire 5 years with these friends since my diploma, like it did with my high school friends, so the feelings were very deja-vu to me.

What was more amusing is that, we took different courses in degree but we somehow ended up interning in the same job position. My internship is literally the exact one for my course. Therefore, my other 2 friends, ended up in the same position bcos unlike me, their skillset really suit this job as a developer. Previously, these friends of mine represented my university for a software competition so everybody around us knew that they really would suit developer jobs despite their respective courses. Which really makes me feel like I don't belong due to my lack of skills, but at the same time I'm really grateful as this is like a dream job of mine and I didn't had to try as hard as them to get it.

One common thing about us is that we enjoy learning about coding and have somewhat complicated logical thinking, which makes this job very fun for us. And I really like how all of us can relate with the job that we're doing although our company's software structure are very different from one another. 

IT is a really interesting subject bcos you can never really know too much. There's always different kinds of frameworks and software and practices that you have never even heard of before. There's so much experimenting and new ways to do stuff, which both scares but excites me at the same time.

My friends and I have very different style and approach to our working life. For example, I'm mostly working from home and so far it has been fine for me. I think I've learnt to adapt and structure my life around it ever since online classes. My recent semester's results have definitely convinced me that I can manage. The diploma internship that I had was also enough for me to feel how working in office should feel like so I don't really crave much for it.

However, my friends have yet to experience working at an actual company because previously their internship were only within university settings, so this is a totally new experience for them and they like it more working in the office. There are still lots of setbacks from all of our experiences like having half of the team working in the office and another half at home, or having no team and just one superior, or having difficulty in getting enough guidance bcos everything is done virtually. I think there's gonna be some gain and some loss anywhere you ended up in.

The thing that makes me so glad is how I'm happy despite how confusing things are and I get to challenge myself while doing a job that I'm so scared of. I also really appreciate my team leader bcos despite having so many meetings and calls, he still took the time to teach me the little things and spend time answering personal calls bcos I'm just always lost and confuse with how things work - coding or not. I think having a helpful leader is important to ensure this online thing works well and I can tell from first hand experience that people who guide you well are the one who would give better result to your growth, given you allow yourself to be guided. 

It's better to be the stupid one who don't know what to ask because you don't know almost anything yet willing to learn, than act smart when you are just as clueless, bcos at least you're opening more eyes to different ways of thinking and approaching things. The more experienced you are, the more you don't realize how newbies sees things so people tend to assume they'll understand it all. But it's your job to let these experienced people know that you don't understand and ask for extra guidance bcos being quiet isn't what's gonna make you grow but being uncomfortable is. Although I always felt uncomfortable to disturb my team leader over petty things these past 3 weeks, I also know that he needs to know where I'm at to help me, so raising my concern becomes my responsibility in determining my own growth.

It's always faster to ask help than dwell on the problem longer than you should. A lecturer of mine used to tell me, "If you dwell on the question for more than 5 minutes, you are in a big trouble". I used to think that it was so stupid to just give myself 5 minutes to have things figured out especially when they're unfamiliar, but if I take that advice with a grain of salt, it does make sense. I shouldn't dwell too much alone bcos asking for help will not only solve it faster but there might also be things you misunderstood earlier and would never realize that unless you speak up. I think that's what makes asking questions a great piece of advice.

Tips to be less scared when asking question: Everybody starts with not knowing everything. It's okay to be at the start.

Dropping by,

I started my first day of internship with the hope that I am gonna be doing something IT-related yet far from coding and all those stressful moments trying to debug errors... only to find out that I am doing exactly that. For the next 6 months!

If you've read my Internship Application Story, you'd know that I am an intern, or Vacation Trainee as they call it, at KPMG Malaysia.

Stepping into the company (even though virtually), I can really feel the sense of belonging and very friendly working environment at this place. One of my favourite things about this company is how structured things are, but some might say otherwise because even though they might tell you the things you need to know early, this company sure doesn't tell you a lot.

It's my first time working in an MNC company and a firm as big as this so I'm both impressed and weirded to know that they really go all out to take care of their image. I won't go into detail bcos that'll be a little P&C but just know that the security and branding is their top priority. Like they really value those. There's even few assessments we have to pass for them to ensure that.

Moving on to what I do here. After meeting with the Head of Department on my first day, I was then assigned to a team. Basically it's a team of software developers and testers. So obviously, now I will be trained to do just that.

It's both interesting and scary to me bcos I really am not confident in my programming skills. Like it's the one thing I'm most insecure about. But I don't particularly hate it. In fact, I enjoy coding - granted I understand what I'm doing. And what's more fascinating is that I'll be working on a project that does not even use the programming language that I am familiar with haa

Instead of the good ol' PHP, I'm now forced to learn to program in Python. I'm actually really scared when I heard of Python because it's such a new and advanced language... while I'm just here being basic. It's one of the languages that I find difficult to approach at my current newbie level but now I don't really have a choice.

Frankly speaking, this current situation felt like a dream to me. It's weird that I was hired without them actually knowing my exact skills, but I am actually very thankful for that. It means that I have been given the opportunity of life to try out the one career I've always been very scared to try. I'm actually very excited to see how much I can grow through this internship because I can already feel myself making a little progress after just a week.

As a CS or IT student, one thing that your university (at least for me) don't teach is how the people in industry setup their working environment. I feel like this should be a class of its own. How can nobody ever teach me about Git? I've heard of Github a lot but how come nobody ever tell me properly what it is and how it works? It's such an important tool to collaborate when you code with a team. I've always been curious to know how people "compile" their codes especially when there's more than 4-5 people in a group (like it is in university) so it was very interesting to find out that Git was the answer.

On top of that, I am currently working from home unless told otherwise and it seems that it's gonna stay that way for sometime (or even til the end of internship, who knows). Surprisingly after getting my life back in the last sem, I don't feel too stressed out about it. In fact, I really like wfh.

For example, I'm usually very sleepy by noon and I remembered how I used to sleep in the toilet at my previous internship bcos I couldn't keep my eyes open in front of my laptop and was too embarrassed to sleep at my desk. Then at lunch, I used to worry a lot on where to eat and how much I'm gonna spend on food for the day bcos eating out will cost a lot and I don't want to spend too much of my already-limited-internship-allowance. And when it was time to go home, I used to always feel weird if I go home earlier than the permanent employees bcos it seems that interns need to stay longer every time (even when we literally have nothing else to do lol). Lastly, commuting to work. Commuting is one of the most tiring part of working. Not only does it take a lot of your time doing nothing, it also means that you have to leave your house way earlier which equals to less sleep time. Personally, that is my least favourite thing about working in the office!

I am very blessed to start my internship at home. Some might say it's a bit of a loss bcos internship is usually the best time to build connection with the people in the office and they're not wrong. However, not having to worry about the reality of things like transportation, lunch and getting tired at work, also allows me to focus and enjoy my skill-based work more, which is the main reason of doing internship. 

Having done an internship before makes me see things in a different light and it might not be the case for everyone, but so far it's been good for me. Also a different work field might require more presence in the office than others, and fortunately my line of work suits wfh a lot.

The only bummer is that you can't see how busy your seniors really are and thus, you tend to expect a quick reply like how they would give if you were to ask them face to face. But they're already helpful and responsive enough for me, so it's not a huge deal and I appreciate them for that. 

I'm expecting a lot out of myself during this internship and I hope I can get somewhere with my programming skills. Gotta let myself be as dumb as possible yet still sounding somewhat favorable so that I won't annoy my seniors too much 😅

Dropping by,