In between start and end

Final part of my update. 

I can't believe this is actually happening.

I've been wanting to since diploma. And you know what's even more unexpected? I'm going to South Korea!! I'll be doing a non-credit mobility program to Changwon National University (CWNU) during the summer and I'm spending 3 weeks there!

Every year around February, my university usually starts looking for students who are interested in going for an exchange program or a credit mobility outbound to other countries. I've known this since my early diploma days and as you'd expected, I was interested in that... but I didn't apply for it. 

The reason to that is because the only universities that are listed this year were 3 Indonesian universities and 1 French university. Don't get me wrong, I would love to go for either of them bcos it's all about the different experiences and culture that makes it interesting... but deep inside, I knew that those are not where I wanted to go. Somehow I still had hope that if I ever joined a mobility, I'd want it to be Korea. But at the same time, I didn't think it was possible because my university only partnered with one Korean university (at least that's what the website says).

Another main reason is that if I go for a credit outbound, I have to take up the whole semester oversea meaning I have to see if the subjects that is offered match with my course. Except that there is one important subject that would not be offered by a foreign university, which is a project-based subject that I had to take every semester because I am a direct entry student. Read here to know more about that particular subject. Therefore, if I go for the credit outbound, I'll have to extend my semester and graduate later than my friends, which ruins the purpose of me becoming a direct entry student in the first place.

It's a complicated reasoning but those are the main reasons. Then right when they closes the application and announced it on my faculty's mobility page, they made another announcement for a different mobility program. At this point, I was shocked because I thought they only had one kind of mobility every year. So when I heard that the other programs were to Indonesia, Vietnam and South Korea, boi was I thrilled. The Indonesia and Vietnam programs run for a week as a non-credit outbound and they both happen to share the same dates. 

On the other hand, the South Korea one is a totally different program, even though it is also a non-credit outbound. Each university are only allowed to send 2 students throughout the program that would run for 3 weeks. They even listed a rough itinerary of the cultural events that are being held, unlike the ones to Indonesia and Vietnam.

The interesting part is that all 3 programs have a less than a week deadline from the announcement date. Which means, not many people would be aware of it. Being the selfish me, I kept it to myself and applied lol. But what did you want me to do... they only wanted 2 students huhu.

I applied by writing an essay of "what is my determination to go there". If you know me, I have a good amount of Korean-related activities and achievements before this, so I mentioned them all hahah. In the end, thankfully I got it!

What I like about this mobility program is that I only had to cover for my own expenses and some other extra costs like SIM card, whereas the main cost which is the program fee, flight and insurance are either covered by CWNU or UTeM. So basically, I don't even have to pay much for this trip. My only concern is the halal food but I'll make do with whatever I can to adapt.

Another thing that I am excited for is the classes. Since it is a non-credit program, I won't have to stress on getting good grades for the classes. And mind you, the only classes we are having is the Korean Language class. As someone who had joined a Korean Speech Contest and even taking a Korean class as a third language this semester, I am very excited for the classes!! We'll have 3 Korean classes per week for 3 hours each day. I really wanna know what level am I at hahah.

This program is a summer camp filled with their cultural events. Besides, the language classes, we are also having Taekwondo and Kpop class. I feel like this program is made for me... Also, we are going to a baseball stadium on one of the days! Like bruh, I mentioned about it in my application form that I am a softball player and since Korea is famous for baseball, I would love to see it live while I'm there during the baseball season (it's currently in-season) but I didn't think they would really include it in the new itinerary. I don't even know if my university or CWNU who chooses the participants, but I'm liking it already.

On top of that, the university that I'll be going to is closest to Busan so we're also having a field trip there. Can you believe this is a university-level program which would cost me nothing? I know it's not as glamourous as the universities in Seoul but I'm going to Korea again on October so that would be an only Seoul trip. So technically I'll be going to 2 different parts of Korea in the 2nd half of this year.

I'm spending my July in Changwon/Busan and my October in Seoul. I am currently very... extremely... tight on budget, but I need to make this work. I have to, it's like a dream come true!

There's all my updates for now. Thank you for the read. I will be updating more about it soon, insyaAllah.

Dropping by,

Melynn.

Heavy fangirling ahead!!! Read at your own cringe.

I feel like shedding a tear writing this. I never thought I would stan another group so fast since iKON. Fun fact: Infinite was my 1st, EXO was my 2nd and I kinda supported Boys Republic for a bit but they stopped promoting idk why so I kinda lost interest, then I thought I was gonna be an ahgase, but in the end I partially did (idk why my heart detoured on GOT7 hahah). So iKON is the latest stan I had since 2017.

Let me clear up some terms. So stanning a group in my dictionary means not only listen to their title songs but also listening to as much of their albums like as a daily dose of music, watching fancams on music shows and concerts, watching variety shows (loads and loads of them), started following official and fan accounts on IG, learning from the start about each of the member and actually try to love all of them... even though biases are always gonna be on top of the chart, and just finding myself crying and laughing with them.

I actually realised a lot of things about myself this time I am falling for another boy group.

1) There are not many '98 liners and with this few, I never thought I would fall for another one other than Chanwoo (iKON). Cos I always go for older guys.

2) I tend to not like or stay away from dark or 'serabut' concepts. I don't wanna name any groups but there are many that I haven't tried to listen to bcos of this fact.

3) I don't like over-hyped groups after they are hyped. I like to keep my fav idols to myself #clingy

4) It is easier to stan groups that you can feel attached through an emotional level.

5) My love can't be forced, the more I am forced into liking anyone, the more I'd hate them lol

So the group that I am stanning (pretty much hardcore at this rate) is PENTAGON!! Hahaha I haven't been opening up myself to younger groups yet. I still need to have an oppa in the group lol.

There are so many things that I love about them but let me tell you what makes me love them;

1) Their latest songs are bright and upbeat

Lately, I am so into those kind of songs. Like those saturated colours and funky outfits in their MV, it just brightens up my mood. It started from Shine (shocking much) then Naughty Boy and now SHA LA LA. I don't see myself backing out on these gems any time soon.

2) Hui reminds me of Hanbin. KINO reminds me of Donghyuk. Jinho reminds me of Jinan.

I know I shouldn't compare but I love how I see the similarities in them. FYI, Hui, KINO and Jinho are my biases and I love how they're always in a frame cos #shortpeopleprobs. But Hui and Hanbin are two (in my eyes) great and talented leaders. They are charismatic and full of ideas. A leader who leads with passion and talent, I can see their love towards their team members and that what attracts me the most.

KINO is my first bias (still is) lol. Like how Donghyuk was my first in iKON. They both look so hot dancing. I just have a soft spot for cute main dancers. KINO is another impressive soul. He is a maknae line and unlike other maknae line, he leads together with Hui and I love to have his motivation. And most of all, I love how sensitive he gets hahahah jk (not).

Jinho is another talented hyung. Like Jinan, he is what makes PENTAGON strong. He bonds all of them together and takes good care of them. I could go on and on about each of the members but I LOVE THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER. If iKON has Hanbin, Bobby and Jinhwan, Pentagon has Hui, KINO and Jinho as their main trio. I am a sucker for these trios.

And about the fact iKON had Hongseok competing in MIX & MATCH and he ended up losing. I now realised, I love Hongseok. I am sorry for all my previous misconceptions on him but I'm really glad he didn't quit. He had so much potential up his sleeves for people to see. He looks attractive on stage and he may be a terrible dancer in Pentagon, but is he a flop? NO WAY, HONGSEOK REMEMBER DANCES BETTER THAN ANY OF THE MEMBERS. Why is he even the worse dancer?! He is genuine in what he does and I love how much he is loved in Pentagon. I feel bad he didn't get in iKON but Pentagon really suits him personality-wise. He even sounds better through Pentagon's musics. Not kidding, Pentagon vocals are more suited for BTOB-kind-of-ballads, not YG-kind-of-ballads.

3) I fell for 'Genius' like how I fell for 'Climax'

I'm sorry to iKONIC and Universe, but I have more to compare them with oops. They share so many similarities which I love, so bear with me. Both self-composed songs tell about their hardships and mentions about their parents. It really softens me to hear that part of the song. It is through these songs that makes me feel connected most.

4) I don't like their old songs, but bcos they're old, I love them

This might not make perfect sense but their old songs tend to be very jumpy and have darker concepts in terms of visual, so if you ask me 2-3 years ago, whether I'd like them... I'd probably say no HAHAH. Same goes to iKON, 'Bling Bling' and 'B-DAY' was a bit too much. But if you ask me now, iKON's 'Bling Bling' and PENTAGON's 'Can You Feel It' are my ultimate jam!

5) Their performances are so fun to watch

I remember how 'Shine' was such a hit bcos of the dance and E'Dawn's makeup. I guess that time is when I realise how entertaining their dances are. Looking at 'Naughty Boy' and 'SHA LA LA', these are just some of their fun performances. 'Spring Snow' and 'Round 1' are my latest favourite performances by them. But don't worry, they had many fun performances even before I knew about them so that means, they'll have more in the future for new Universe like me!!

Their "fun" performances are really something I've never felt nor seen before. Like they have this cute vibe and strong energy that applies to every single one of them, even the expressionless Yuto on stage and that makes me so happy seeing them have that much fun. Plus their choreos are too cuteee and they're just everything that I like.

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Yeaa that would be it for my points about these boys. I don't wanna make y'all puke from my fangirling. So now I have an update that relates to my future plan.

In case, you haven't heard, PENTAGON is having a world tour aaand Msia is not in the list (boohoo). Did you know? After they released their world tour poster, I literally searched for tweets regarding their world tour locations beforehand even though I know damn well, nobody knows about anything. I just wanted to have some glimmer of hope that they'll come here, but in the end... hmmm.

Bcos I am like falling so hard for them right now, I kinda am planning to go to their concert in Singapore instead. Don't kill me but I just had to! I told my roommate after they released the world tour locations that I might do this, but she didn't think I was being serious. And 2 weeks later, I told her about my plan and she was surprised that I was all serious. I even checked the flight tickets and all lolol. But don't worry, I found a cheaper option and I am safely planning it. I'm praying I can really do this... amiinn.

P.S. Check out my last update out of the 3. It's gonna be a big surprise ;)

Bapak lama gila tak blog.

Malay makes things sounds more legit lol. I've been pushing my updates for far too long that I feel like I should update y'all now so that my life kinda show its progress here instead of just a leap through all the coincidences before things start to happen.

I actually have 3 updates. And I shall start with the simplest one a.k.a the one I have the least thought on which is about my first semester of degree.

I know my last update was my first week of degree and now I'm already in my last! It's already study week... how time went by so quickly?!?

I did so many things yet so little this semester. I wasn't active in anything at my uni, but I did join a dance team to compete for a kpop dance cover contest. Which I have to say was a fun, yet disappointing experience in a way. I wished our team would be a little more hardworking and realistic about what we can and can't achieve at our state. It's our FIRST competition as a team anyway but they had such big 'angan' to go to finals all. While me and Mun felt like the other members were too off-sync with us to be going anywhere.

But back to the degree aspect of my life. As a direct entry student, I have never felt so burdened by course work. In my diploma days, it was normal to only have submissions on certain weeks and so those weeks were the only time everyone will be busy. However, this time, there was literally no break for me. Since the start of degree, every week was a submission week. Like it was all about progress and reports and assignments... There were FAR more things we had to submit on a weekly basis. 

Even though it felt normal to be receiving work for each classes, I guess I was slightly shocked by the way degree courses are carried out. Classes and schedules are pretty basic, the difference is the work load! Like I'm taking the same subject that I took literally last semester (for my diploma) again bcos I couldn't transfer my credits (bcos I reached the max count), and the lab work that I'm doing is making me regret not transferring the credit. 

I mean we're talking about the same subject here. The only difference is the level of education - diploma vs degree. Even my lecturer is the same! But God, the work I tell you, the requirements are on a different level. For diploma, we all were given the same websites to do testing on, but degree... we have to find/make our own websites for this subject, so every group are testing it differently. There were just more things to do and think about. And from being the easiest subject to score, to one of the hardest within just a semester.

I have missed multiple quiz and classes because I forgot about them throughout this entire semester. If you know me, I'm not the kind to be skipping those things bcos I value my participation and my marks for the class. But this time, I don't feel like I started degree on the right foot.

I think after diploma ended, I kinda wanted everything to stop for a moment. Like classes and work. But I ended up not getting enough break and the next semester proceeds so now it just felt too tiring to keep up. Not to mention, I have to take year 1, year 2 AND year 3's classes because I am from direct entry. Bruh, that is not easy. 

We're constantly receiving standards and expectations from lecturers knowing we're 2nd year or 3rd year degree students when in fact, we are no more than just 1st year degree students. We're still as clueless as how we were in diploma!

For the highlight of my concern, I have to take up a subject called Workshop 1. It is a project-based subject. There are 4 project-based subjects throughout degree for any courses in my faculty - Workshop 1, Workshop 2, Final Year Project 1 and Final Year Project 2. And since I became a 2nd year student on the February intake, I was forced to take up Workshop 1 this semester itself. The reason is that because Workshop 2 is only offered during the first semesters (September-January) which has Workshop 1 as the pre-requisite. Also, if I decided not to take Workshop 1 this semester, not only my Workshop 2 is gonna be delayed but also my FYP 1, FYP 2 and in the end, that'll risk my graduation bcos I had to extend another semester to finish them. In conclusion, we had to take up project-based subjects every semester til we graduate to be done in time. Sounds daunting... I know.

The problem with me is that the FYP I did for my diploma in my previous semester, was a HUGE failure. I felt myself freaking out every time I think about it. Like it brings so much remorse and disappointments. The fact that I had to face another project-based subject, really scares me. And I am not as brave as people think I am... I tend to run away from my worries. Which means I tend to avoid my supervisor like how I did during my diploma. I would make up excuses to not meet with them to show my progress, because in fact, I don't have any progress. I just never do it. Like I'm too scared to even start something. Up until mid-term, I haven't started anything and it gives me a slight anxiety when people talk about their Workshop 1. Like I know I have to do it, but I kept pushing it away and I don't know how to deal with it.

2 weeks before my final week, I finally am slapped by reality that I have to present something in 2 weeks because the schedule is out. I started thinking a lot about the logic and the progress so that I could calm myself a bit. Imagine having 2 weeks to do everything for a booking system almost from scratch, plus having your previous booking system being a failure does not help with the worry. 

*Note: I am an IT student. I make a website or a system using PHP, HTML, CSS and uses a database for my Workshop 1. It's an individual work.

Because I know my logic is not strong enough, it took me 3 days to think of one main thing to display on my system. For a last minute thing, 3 days is TOO MUCH of a risk. The next night, I talked to Ikha and I'm so thankful she's willing to help me think about this. Knowing Ikha, she is very good at solving problems using logic and I knew she could think of it within minutes, but I was just worried I was gonna bother her knowing she has been bothered a lot of times by other people. Bcos for sure, I'm not gonna be done with it after just one time.

I don't ask people simple stuff... it was a complex logic and I found out later from Aina (Ikha's roommate) that she passed out right after explaining to me how to go about it bcos she used up too much of her energy thinking of the solution. Only Ikha knew about my system and what I was tryna build, but one night I was looking for Ikha and she hasn't come home so I tried asking Aina. Aina is good too but her logic isn't so complex like Ikha's. I showed her my problem and literally explained everything about the system, we ended up thinking few hours yet still couldn't manage to solve it. Then Aina said that out of all the people she helped, my system is by far the most complicated one she had to face. I was honoured lol.

But the next day, Ikha came to my room and she helped me with few of my problems in one go. Truly a legend huhu. From then on, I managed to do A LOT because my main thing is done. But that was only 30% of it. The main purpose of the system is still 40% ahead, by then I had only a week left. It ended up being a sleepless week.

I wasn't eating and sleeping properly. There was 3 nights in a row where I slept for 3 hours and be awake for the entire day and night, going to classes and doing last minute submissions. During my workshop presentation, I was dead. I sounded like I was about to pass out. Because I literally felt so. I was late, but I didn't even have the energy to rush. I was ready to give up. The system is one thing, I needed to do the report and presentation slides... and this was only for one subject. I had 2 more presentations for the week. On top of that, my evaluator was questioning me so much. My system and logic was very much fine... Idk why she couldn't see my point of view ugh.

I presented in the morning, I have another presentation the next day. BUT I couldn't submit my report that morning bcos I haven't finish shit so I had to plead to send it later in the evening. Basically, I had to do my report for the next 3 hours and print them and submit them, then go for a group meeting. That night I could only sleep for an hour because we had to meet up at around 3am (during sahur) and slept for another 2 hours and almost woke up late for presentation.

My life was a mess. But all ended up ok... I FELT SO EMOTIONAL ON THE INSIDE BCOS MY WORKSHOP 1 SYSTEM WAS THE CLOSEST TO MY EXPECTATION AND I COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANY BETTER. I love you Ikha for helping out with my logic. I love you Aina for helping me do my interface design. Aina literally saved my system from looking like a noob's. I COULDN'T DO IT WITHOUT THEIR ENDLESS HELP. Aina literally sacrificed her report to do 3 different pages of CSS design for me. It wasn't a 'cikai' design. It was exactly how I wanted it to look and more!

Oh and the next day, because I was busy with the other presentation and had to submit some other pending work, I didn't get enough sleep but two of my friends saw me and they said my eye bag was sooo bad. I didn't even know I had an eye bag!

Overall, I couldn't be prouder of myself. I feel like I just gave myself a pat on the back for being able to pull everything off. My body still hates me for the lack of sleep though. I still have finals next week so this journey has still yet to end. But at least, a HUGE weight has been lifted and I am ready to move on.

P.S. I have 2 more updates. Keep your eyes out for them too! Click here.

Dropping by,

Melynn.